LilyBell Snoodle

Starting Over

2012-01-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

This one kiss Miss Alia one time, each side of its face, and went to this ones small ship, what is named "Gallagher", and go to the sky. Her try to talk to that ProConsul about what was supposed to happen but him gots to be busy ruling and conquering. So, her take one remembering assessment of his obsidian beauty, go for one nice long swim in the cool water, pick up camp and cub, and go to sky.

Take my life, Take my land, Take me where I cannot stand.
I not care, I still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

So her radio ahead to Miss Seana that we is on our way, because, well, we seen on the TV what you gots to do if you dishonours one family, and yes, ok, so this one, name of Lily, not sure how to stick in that sword in effective way what with regenerative capability of this one skin and internals, but maybe the important thing is the actual ritual. That seem to be how it is with the mans and womans. The ritual, or thing what is done, is more important than what on the inside.

And, on the way her is, too but then K2 take to crying. Bad. And then some stuff come out of him head, it like, hair, only grow like, wifin three hours, it long. And, it look like long hair that been growing for much longer than a day. And him cry and cry and cry, and then....him say Li Li Li...and then him say Sha Sha Sha and then I remember that what Miss Reiko call them big worms in the sand, so I turn my ship arround and divert to Al Raquis where is much sand.

We lands by what was the old castle where Myrmidons did live, and I pick up the boy to take him in and him very heavy. Also, longer. And sleeping. Him not wake up. At all. It look like him dead. Not even seem to gots air in and out. Nuffing. that one never almost ever sleep, and so this one sit in the sand by the ship, and just lay it down by me, and then the sand ...move. It move over him, and it move over him and it move over him, and then him open eyes and look straight at me and him...sit up. First time him sit up on him own.

So I pick up that boy, now awaked, and carry him to that old castle. It look abandon inside. Nobody been in it. Fig tree still growing, but plants need water, bad. So this one water what is called tomatoes, carrots, pumpkin, green bean, all those fings that needs water. Oh, the water keeper insider work well, it not totally droughted, but them needed replenished. That k2 sit and watch. Make sounds. Pick up toys. This one notice him look quite more like them Mermaidmans than him did before. Muscles in small arms, but muscles. And them little legs. Them little legs so strong.

The fish I putted up in the main house is good and dry. I wash some fabric for us to wear tomorrow and hang to dry and put one of the dried cats on the fire to cook in case we need to bribe anyone. See, I not sure to take my ship to Dragons Egg. I seen a nice Firefly class ship in desert and am thinking maybe it wants to go to Dragon Egg.

Decide to go look again in the morning. But then....he came.

Missing

2011-12-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

Kraaken is missing. There was a call for help fighting Reavers and so this one went, of course. There many of them, and the citizens of Dragon Egg is in her charge and this one tasked to service and protect, not allow harm. So, her go as fast as it can go and get there, and sees them running and jumping and lot of fighting.

Kraaken tight to this ones chest in him carrier, and it a perfeck time to show him how to make battle, and win - many weapons, varied terrain, lot of places to hide and sneak - so her pick up some weaponry (choosed blades and bow for this, it like to fight Reavers up close and personal like, prefer at least three at once, for some challenge) - but then remember what the Myrmidon Security say. NO TAKE KRAAKEN INTO FIGHTING.

The Myrmidon Security and its mate say Krakken not like if I take Krakken to fight, so this one puts him down in grass near water. Ok, ok, I not take him to battle.

Battle go on long long time, and when it done and them Reavers is all ended, everybody meet to talk about why them started coming, one person thinks one fing, another another fing, everybody got some idea of why, but no body know for sure. I know why. But nobody ask so this one not volunteer. No need to make fings more complicated, that is what Seana say.

So her stop and put on the dress had on for going to see Krakken, cause this time going to tell him some new fings. It perfeck dress. Look like real girl. Now is good time to talk that Krakken cause him holded the boy and it not reject him, thus it perfect image. Her go to pick up that little one from the grass....and him gone.

GONE

Somebody taked him. Or maybe him grow a little and crawl away. This one check to be certain and him not under the water. I wonder if him can swim, actually. But him not in water. Not in grasses. Somebody taked him.

Who would take Kraaken.

This one got some ideas. Anna, who name is AuroraBlue, and who is under care of that Cody until it old enough to be hims mate, hater of Kraaken. AND, camera show it sneaking around in him little room. Maybe it came and taked him. I find that girl and get him back. If him hurted, I end that girl. Maybe I be the end of her instead of other way.

Miss x0x0 came back SAME DAY as all the Reavers, well, same week anyway. Her always lookin to see Kraaken, and I ain't never let her touch him. Maybe she taked him cept her lady say it weak, sick and only "rest" in it fancy new house.

Maybe it Miss Ardra. Maybe her think him belong to her cause her help make him from sand. Maybe her taked him to the singularity it talk about.

Maybe that Casey came and taked him. Never trusted him, got sneaky eyes. Him might have taked my boy for money.

or maybe one of them gorram cats taked him. First order of business, take care of all them cats just in cases. Never was allowed and ain't gonna start takin' over like them does.

Maybe someone friend of Miss Jade think it me who ended her, and kidnap him for revenge. Maybe Cody taked him cause him say I not take good care of him, but I DO. Did. Maybe Bram take him cause him jealous of how much I loves that cub. I do. I love Kraaken.

I love him.

Kraaken is missing. Maybe Lady Reiko see him in grass and take him to the women. Maybe some Myrmidon sneak in and steal him. Maybe Slavers taked him.

Somebody gots him, or him hiding. If hiding, then him growing faster and so I not worry about him, if him can crawl now, him can eat. Lots of bugs and such. And fish. If it can swim. But...this one look everywhere and...not find.

Nope, somebody taked him.

If this one need destroy every inch of earth in every place, end every person that breath, her do it. But her will find that boy.

But first fings first. Today, got to tell its Pa that it....missing.

Not so good

2011-11-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

I go find that Krakken and him in that golden pod that him travel in. You fing with being security people all around, them gots good sense to not make it so obvious someone important in that thing. But no, them covers it all gold and then make it hard to get into for normal people. Still, at least I find it, and him still in it. Only, on the radio, the mans say life signs is not ideal, ok ok, bad, and not take him out. There a man name Viktor who gived me safety. This one let him proteck from the girls. There some girls that seem to like fighting. Nice. They got nice weapons too. My weapons that shoots not work on their land, not sure why. So I bury them and just use my bow and my axe. Well, I not actually use it to fight them cause them not fight me. But I keep them in case. And it a good fing too. Later on, I need it.

But them also want to melt Krakken so....I promise them lot of fings. Gold. Wine. Even spice. And some axes. They say ok, but I stay and have someone bring. So I calls on Cody of course, and him take the gold from BlueSun and the axes from the mining stash, the wine from Mister Nack AND Miss Zeno, and spice , well I have to bring that back myself cause I not want Cody to know where it is at. He seem to be liking it again, just some too much.

The mans of Krakkens show up, and there a fight...bad for me. I not fight them girls cause them not fighted me. I not fight the Myrmidons cause them Krakken mans. So mostly I hide and try to play wif big black dog, only it a wolf, and it bite me, and I crawl under the ship of Krakken.

I guard the ship wif him in it for a long time. I go to the dock cause Viktor say and then when I come back, Krakken is out of that pod and just lay there, like, like him ended. I lick him face to try to wake him, and then guard him until the doctors come. Nobody come near him. I guard.

In the overnight time, they put me in prison, it like, a Nurse hut. The next day I waked up and them all out, probably huntin or shoppin or whatever them does. Cody make him way to where I am, tell me just landed, and taked boat and brought fings. He haul up the crates of it, and then him just sittin havin a rest, and a girl come in SUDDENLY and try to cut him. I move to stop it from cutting him, and we fight. I try to tell it we gots deal wif its people and it says it ain't got people and it kill me. Well, it not know it cannot end me, but it sure could end Cody so this one just try to keep him safe until the other womans come back. They not come. The bad one set fings on fire. Everywhere, fire. So I get my big axe and get in front of door. I think it hear ones coming cause it ranned off and then we just stay on watch until the night. The night pass and then it the next day, and the womans come all back.

I tell them what happen but them not believe me. Then Cody show them one of them stick that girl shooted at him. I tell them I bring all fings I say, it not my fault if them had no one to help me proteck in THEMS OWN HOME, and all day this one protect ponies that is for THEM, and either they take the wine or the bad girl did, but it not in any case my fault. So there. I tell them maybe Cody hurt so bad him never bring that gold, or the spice....I got to go get it, but they say NO, I stay until it come. Those ones not back down one bit, not going to let me go. I not want to hurt them girls. Some not so nice but some...I would invite to my house to play, watch the news, maybe even ride Niska's horses.

Then, lucky for me, the mans come back in them ship and just take Krakken up. Next thing I know, I in that ship, and we on the way to thems home, AND then them ordering me to go find a doctor that know about Myrmidons.I not want to leave Krakken. But I do what them say. First, though I give the Security lady the numbers for the cure on a card. I tell her if him maybe end, put that in computer and it will formulate something that may help be better. I remember what Miss Seana say to me. DO NOT TELL ANYBODY YOU CREATE CHEMICAL WIF NUMBERS. So, I not tell them. But I leaved it wif them in case them needed it. And, I go to Al Raqis and Splinter Rock to try to find that Doctor. Her not around.

Then I go to find that doctor, who no where to be found. So I go back to the girls, and take them some gold. They say someone came and taked Miss Mee.....and THEN ask me who is Anna.

Anna. It followed me first time. I tell them it bad. They not really understand.

Anna. Them not gots any idea what they getting into.

Anna.

I go, and go to see Miss Seana and Mister Nack and Miss Abby and all my friends and show them Kraaken, and Nack it a nice name for a girl. I tell him IT A BOY.

Then I meet a man who look nice and who not gots a mate cause it gone, and also I see Cody. Bad mood Cody. And Bram. I bite Bram in the face but him not smile.

I get k2 which is what this one call Kraaken, and I take it in my new ship that I maked, and we head for Al Raquis. Maybe doctor back today.

It follow me to that place. They said it lefted, but it not. I smell it. Still there. I find it, and I do like Ward Cleaver and send that cub to it room like on the news. yes. And then, It brother that ain't called Wally but that am called Kraaken teach it a lesson about being nice.

Treatments and That Cub wif Yellow Hair

2011-11-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

A lady camed today and said it was time for another treatment. Miss Reiko say I not gots to do it but...well, that not quite accurate. I do gots to do it. If I not do it, I not useful and if I not useful, I not gets to continue. So I let them touch me wif thems tingled wires and I update the numbers for them.

This time, there a LOT of numbers, many more than when I maked numbers for pax and anti-pax. This time, numbers change SO many times, SO fast, that it almost fun to think them. Usually my treatment only produce maybe fifty line of numbers, but THIS one make thousands.

Only, the woman that come, Miss x0x0 'voice' her say until it not burned any more up, not very nice. AND it ask to take somefing from the child. Diary, you know this one not able to lie. But not gots to say everyfing. So when it ask if it can take somefing, I say NO. There nuffing to take. Cause, for all I know maybe it mean AuroraBlue, and I not know where that one is.

Last time I see that one, it waiting for a ride.

And it not the first time I seen it at that station. It also there when it hiding from its Pa Cody and it not any surprise it go there after it try to take Kraaken.

I think Kraaken, who this one call k2, very different from Anna, who is what they call AuroraBlue so Alliance don't catch wind of her around somewhere other than where her supposed to be, that is on the Dragon's Egg, whereby it can be reported on by Seana who only tell what it want to tell, so really AuroraBlue safest there, yes. For sure. But no, no. Kra2 still small. At same time of Anna, it was talking and walking around, and killing anyfing it came into. Well, that before I chop it head off. But still, The First One seem almost to change to whatever someone need it to be. I seen her lookin' like a Queen of a Ball in a fancy dress, and I seen it looking like one of Miss Brookes twins. I seen it spy on Miss Jade and Miss Calina, and I seen it go fru the drawers of Lady Reiko. I seen it try to steal a ship - it not so good as ME at taking them ships, haha. I seen it spy on me when I talking Ardra.

Speaking of Ardra, maybe cub up there. Would not be any shocking news to this one if it was. Maybe the Navigator can talk sense to it. I never going to just let it take k2. Even the Myrmidons I not let take. One of them try to separate us, but I get back and take him. Him mine. Him needs me to take care of him. Also, I got powder to put on him like on the news.

OH That remind me...THE NEWS back on !!! http://newcolonynews.blogspot.com
gots news, and ALSO there now what them called a Drive-In, where news is on 24 hours a day. I seen news yesterday about the ProConsul. Lot of fighting. Then later, Mister Tuscan come to visit Lady Reiko and tell me KRAKKEN IS DEAD. Only that only what I think he saying, actually he say Krakken ship losted in battle with Ancients. Ok, ok, so I say I go get him. Tuscan say NO, they take care of him. I say NO. I go first. Anyway if him keeped, the last thing good is for keepers to think Myrmidons find him to rescue. I not look like Myrmidon. Them not even much notice me. This one know how to hide and sneak.

I find, then report. Like my first assignment. Scan and report. I was in fact preparing when the lady came for treatment. Anyway, lady leaved, and I leaved k2 in care of a nice lady that come from the Desert. Him safe, also Miss Reiko keep eyes on him. It need special food called milk that come in a bottle that is warm from the women, else him bite you on the pinkies.

I pack some few fings I need, explosives and ribbon....and I wait for coordinates. I coming for you Krakken. KrakkenAres ProConsul. Get Your Coat.

This time...

2011-11-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

Is love a tender thing?

It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous; and it pricks like thorn.

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 1.4

I am not going to let it grow up by it own self, no matter what it say or do. It might
need its head chopped off or it might not be able to talk or it might need blue metal squares.

It could be anyfing.

I let that girl go, and look what happen. Now it wild, running in desert, deep, riding them big worms, and still not gotted a baf in forever. AND it just leaved Cody on his own to work and who knows if it ever come back. Human mans like to have them girls and them ladies around at least some time. Cody deserve better than him gots from that gorram girl, but him not listen to anyfing.

Ok, there ab so lutionaly not a one thing this one can do about it. Cub separate from me, I not hear it any more and it steal Blue as well, and them conspire against me. That what is my thinking anyway. The numbers match.

But the small one, the dark one, him MINE. And this time, there not be any mistakes. Nobody intervene. Him mine. I get out of this place and I go find him and *ME* take care of him, *ME* feed him, *ME* dress him up and *ME* teach him hunting and *ME* teach him fight, and *ME* proteck him. That what my arms are for. Holding the small one. Kraaken.

Mine.

Actually I not sure if I let it go, even when it time. Maybe, maybe not. But it not get away from me like that yellow haired girl. Mixed-blood, that one. And Blue, him betray me, for her.

This time, I watch out for *me* and for *MY* future. Whatever it take.

Amen.

It is time

2011-10-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

"When beauty grows too great to bear
How shall I ease me of its ache
For beauty more than bitterness
Makes the heart to break. "

"Now while I watch the dreaming sea of sand
With isles like flowers against her breast
Only one voice in all the world
Could give me rest."

Beauty is ending
My other arms will soon go
It is just this way

I will be consumed
One ending sad siren's song
Waiting is over

This one dreamed a dream
It was not hers to savour
Future is unknown

Dear Diary,

This one got all the numbers lined up like them supposed to be. There some things must remember in case it gots to start over.

Putted them in a box like last time.

There a lot of electricity at the Ardra house. I making a way to redirect it all, to the sand, so the new cub can be strong. I hope it not got extra arms like it other Ma, but I do hope it gots strong arms like its chosen Pa. Him promise me take care of it til I strong or back, or even forever. Him say I look pretty, also. But, there be no one to say the four words.

Some things one not forget. This is now how it supposed to be. But it is how it is.

I chosed a name for the boy. It is Kraaken. Destroyer of worlds. Mindo tell me one day them fight each other, him and that cub. Him maked it that way. It a test. Sometimes I think things Mindo not put in me, and I keep them things secret.

This time, some of me go into that cub. I am me. I am Lily. L i l y. I am not a cat. I not gots to do only what him say. I can think for my own self. Some fings, got to do cause them put in me to do, so I do but..I learn to resist them things. This time, I not able to not do but there come some day when I can think for my own self all the time.

But now, I go to build the conduit. Sparks fly soon and when sparks fly, faeries come. Them called sparks, but this one call them faeries. Then, there a lot of sounds and then I see him. If I live.

Just wish I not got to go into that worm. It look mean. The cub ride them. I wonder if it know.

Special Lights

2011-10-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

So, this one did special lights for the SpookyLand, and put in the fings from BlueSun, and guess what. It just like last time. There scary fings in them boxes. Them chase me, and chase me, andf
it take at least 43 seconds to determine optimal strategy for standing where them cannot get me. They bite.

I finish that work and I go to see House of Black Suns. Them totally different from BlueSun. At least, I hope. Miss x0x0 gave them a welcome present. Her very nice to everyone these days. Only, every night I stand by office door and hear her, and her not sound nice at all. Sound very mean.

I go to Al Raquis and two mans shooting at Cody in a hospital. I shooted them in the face and them yell at me. So I take Cody and run and hide him in my nest where I grow them figs. Then later the doctor comes and take blood. It say I gots some infection and actually gots lots of them infections. Only I not sick. The SAME doctor put a needle in me few days later, but it ok, them had candy - mints and truffles - for this one, and so I let them and then the noise in my yead stop.

Later, I try to sell an ATV to a man, but turns out him its owner. So, that not work out so well. But then I see someone what look like Navigator, so I go to it and ask it, ''are you a Navigator'' and the man wearing a mask SHOOT at me. Him shoot seven times. Hit me three times. So not a very good shot but him just laugh and laugh and laugh, then run away. Real brave, man that run away.

I putting in security system to my nest where I stay when I not staying some other place, and it only let in who I say. Them lasers cut a man in half if him walk thru. Also, special transmitter call all the mans to come if it make trigger, so maybe my figs be safe. And, also my pumpkin.

There still no sign of that cub. My other arms hurts all the time now. It like them gonna pop thru my skin, but that be very bad, and hurt cause anyfing touch this one's skin hurt. I can get money to turn in a doctor, but them probably end that doctor. I not need money anyway.

And Mister Cobb acting nice to me. I not marry him again, for sure. But, will keep him safe from bad fings taht comes. Oh, and I maked hair and sell it.

Love,
Lily.

Bite

2011-10-12T12:25:00.001-07:00

it all started after him come talk to miss seana.

it JUST like before. for no reason this one want to bite and so it bited. Lot of people, some of them people it not even KNOW.

i bite krakken. bite some companionses. bite mister davion. bite bram. bite miss jo.

bite mister steve. bite miss seana.

just like before only this time, bite for longer.

also, now the information that blue want is more, and it entering under new name, this name it is named polymorphic viral replication and each one gots its own numbers. once it there, i can

let them go. i not like having all these numbers in my front mind.

i at my house the one wif krakken where him never at, and them vegetables is all ready for them mermaidsmans. them starve if them have to find own food. them say i need new guns and new weapons. ha. i can fight three of them wif my hands, and probably i win.

and if not, at least one of them die. and miss seana, it say i cannot go wif them anyway. which make me very very angry and then i bite gray also.

one good fing, miss alison open a fishing camp and i get leftover heads and tails.

i go to sleep now in my box. i come to find that cub. i tell them no stop me or i end them.

some old soldiers laugh but...no one mess wif me. only i not find nuffing about cub . only scent.

it like her vanish into the air.

Wakey Wakey

2011-09-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

It cold.
Somefing almost choking this one.
And it cold. My other arms want to make it stop.
Claws ache.

Then gentle.

There someone looking at me. Eyes see obsidian. It tall.

Recognition.

It choose me.

Lily. L i l y.

in dreams....

2011-09-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

this one feel so cold.

dream i seen kraaaaaken and ask him c'mon now, time for dance, you know but...him talk but not any sounds come out of him mouf.

this one feel so cold.

only wanted to be real. now, even oranges not enough to make realness. in this one dreams, there is many oranges. and there is not gallagher. that is empty space, then fill with red, and then it just all go dissolve to cold.

my other arms hurt.

Dragon's Egg - Notes from Lily's little datapad.

2011-08-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Lily's datapad. It was there on the floor, almost as if it had been dropped and abandoned. The camera function was left on, and seems to have captured some of what happened.

A wave came in and was viewed.

A photograph was seen. Lily's face goes dark at the sight of what was in the photograph. There is some sign of movement as she bends down and removes something from her left foot, and then from her right foot. Looking more closely at the recording, you can see she has removed her stockings.

As the datapad records its own fall to the ground, you can see the stockings on the floor.

She can be seen walking away from the datapad, toward her small tent. She does not go to her larger tent, the one prepared for herself and AuroraBlue. She goes instead to the small one, the one with flap door. As she walks, she looks neither to the left or the right. She does not speak.

The videos sound is not active. However, the flap door is open and you can see inside. She lays down, without taking off her fabrics, or putting on her kitty nightgown. Then you see her get up, and kneel by the side of her sleeping bag. She appears to be praying, but is so quiet you cannot hear what she is saying.

After some time, she gets up, makes a few small circles, in an almost habitual manner, and then lays down on the sleeping bag. The tent flap has become loose with her circling about, and it starts to call closed. As it does, you can see her say what appears to be five words before closing her eyes. Something about Gallagher, hard to say because she only turns her face in the direction of the dropped device right before she closes her eyes. Five words, whispered more like a prayer than anything else, and then nothing but a view of the tent as the door has fallen all the way down.

The notes on the Datapad were not erased.

She shut down, leaving everything just as it was, leaving the datapad, her diary, everything, just where they were.

This is the last entry in the datapad diary.

*****

Dragons Egg. We call it that cause it look like that big glowing ball in Blue Sun System. But, it just the opposite of that place. There, it hot. Here on Dragon's Egg, it cold. Very very cold.

This one sneak down to surface, and guess what? There frozed water everywhere. Sometimes if you touches it, it turn to water. Sensors activated in this one's skin say it freezingest place ever seen.

Also, I finded some big spiders that bite.

The brave ones will come down today and look, but knowing them, if the past any indication, they not want to actually stay on the ice. Probably stay on the station, if BlueSun let us keep it. I think maybe that is what them do cause of I seen them had fings come in the dark time, and put in one floor of this place.

Them things being mostly electronics and sand, in a jar.

I not gots lot of time to stay sneaked down here also but....fortunately I gots some time. I find there look to be like, leftover fings. Like someone was here before. It not like them tell us. This not a brand new place. I finded some frozen papers, which I hided now and will show doctor, maybe the doctor that know plants. In the papers I can see there is some like pictures of this place, only is all looking like flowers and trees and it pretty. There butterfly sticked to the one page, but it frozed up, so cannot eat him. I look him up in a book. Butterfly. That a funny name.

One place, I finded there was actually a distribution point of somefing you can use to ride around. It old, rusty, but them works. Not sure how they powered. But they works. It some kind of replication machine or somefing, just keep making. Hope it not run out cause it fun to ride on them little ...well, not sure what is they called. Maybe like ATV. Sure got good traction, that a sureness. Only fing, if they got higher than gear of 3, they gets unstable and so there a note that say "For Ground Use Only. Do not use flying gears".

I taked one of them and went around under the snow and on the snow and it just like, in the pictures. Almost like when Miss x0x0 bringed in all that Christmas from BlueSun some years back. Then I seen what I had heard crying, it like a big dog only it got meaner teef. Yep. It a wolf for sure.

Spiders and wolf. That not very friendly, but maybe them is good for eating. Cept them is frozen, and I not want to shoot the pretty wolf cuz maybe him be my friend.

I see them gots the bar of Nack placed, pretty much it look same except some cracks from moving, and of course, when that snow falls, it get on the building. Also sometimes in. Him really gots to fix roof, for sure. I mean to say, snow pretty but sometimes it turn to water.

There somefing else. I finded somefing like, it look almost like a long house but it almost impossible to see. It like, hides in the other snow, cause it is white too. I seen it from a ways off cause my eyes is good, you know. Noffing moving inside it. Can't see inside it, anyway. Even windows looks like the snow. But sensors say nuffing alive in there.

Only...them also say somefing was in there.

So them lie to us. Somefing not right about this place. They say it new. It not. They say nuffing here. There is. Them say ....lot of fings. Information about this place in the databank been wipe clean and so it supposed to be new. But it not.

I need tell them, them up in the station. Watch. Wait and watch. Somefing just not right.

Oh I got to stop writing and see ..I got a wave, it from Gallagher.

****

Two days have passed. Lily is still ''resting'' in her tent. One of the Alliance that has been helping patrol has found the datapad. He leaves it on the desk in what was the Mayors tent, figuring eventually someone will claim it.

An old man is on his way to the station, an old friend. His name is Sobi. A Bartender that once ran a public house of intoxication on Hale's Moon. Word has it, he's coming to add some festivity to the space station, give the people a place to congregate other than around the makeshift tent city campfire.

What Price PT. III

2011-08-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

The cost of freedom and creativity is sometimes very small, just a change in ones own mind.

In constructing Dragon's Egg, I asked for some help to test some aspects of the sim. People came with no expectation of gaining anything for themselves - but for love of the game. The
one thing that stands out for me is that despite they all had other interests, they all, each and every one, helped in the way that was needed. There was no sense of entitlement. I didn't
feel they owed it to me to help me, or the sim, and they didn't feel I owned them anything.

As a result, the sim is now a better, more immersive environment, and people who usually don't work together actually are occupying the same space at times - and it is very, very pleasant to see. It is nice when things work.

I was surprised that only one person asked me *if* there would be buildings on the surface. Everyone else seemed to assume it would be rebuilt, just like before.

Well, news flash. I am not rebuilding it.

You are.

And the conditions under which it can be rebuilt are pretty harsh. Its designed to have seasons, and they are pretty extreme. There are many more dangers than were on Hales Moon. Not a lot of people made it out of Hales. Those that did, this is an opportunity for them. This is an opportunity for you.

What does this mean, then? Exactly? Can everyone just go do what they want? Well, no. There are going to be some conditions and same rules as before. They are posted in the welcome center. It's likely that there will be combat. A lot of it. On the surface. When there's limited resources, people tend to fight over them. It's also likely that the environment itself will be fraught with danger - danger that makes inhabiting the ground a pretty risky business. Its pretty much certain that there will be surprises - for example, why did Alliance just happen to have this moon handy to hand over. If no one was there before, why so you find little bits of civilization every so often?

Conclusion: this is an opportunity to build the better world. And, it is guaranteed to be every bit as flawed as the last one, because if it was just a nice fun place to go hang out and live, it would not allow for the kind of creative expression that is my hope for Dragon's Egg. Every person who was living on Hale's Moon is a valued, and generally loved inhabitat of the Dragon's Egg Space Station. There will be eventually safe (more or less) habitats on the ground. There will be eventually some sort of infrastructure. Or maybe not.

It is up to you. How this will work, well, there is a plan. And for those who choose to take part in this creative scary and COOPERATIVE endeavor, we welcome you to join us.

For now, Lily is shut down. I leave you with this final image.

http://youtu.be/2P8jJNbLREo

What Price Pt. II

2011-08-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

Looking at Lily as a character, there is consistency. Even the randomness in Lily is consistent. She is, as they say, consistent in her inconsistency. She is a compass that points true North. I have put considerable thought and design into her as a character.

As her player, this has required me to often put aside what I think I might think or feel about some other character or situation, and look at it as Lily looks at it. This is, as you may imagine, no small endeavor, but fortunately Lily does not determine what is right, wrong, good, or bad.

She "knows" these things only as she has learned by pattern. Her beliefs are basically algorithms. As a player, you cannot change those beliefs of hers, but your *character* can. Thus, she can be manipulated to a point, but there is a certain point where her programming will kick in and she will function as she was designed.

Lily is a mimic. A parrot. Everything you've seen her do - ever - is something someone else has said, or done - either in front of her, or on the "News", i.e. the non-stop droning on movies, broadcasts and commercials that have come over the Cortex into the bar at the old bar, Fooks. If you see something that is not a mimiced or learned behaviour, then you see her 'nature'.

Thus, when you see her slice up eleven Alliance soldiers using only claws, you are seeing what she was programmed to do. However, that is not the most important part of her programming. She was designed for a purpose. The purpose is pretty clearly outlined through the past chapters of the blog, and I won't go into them now. However, players who have tried to change her nature would be well reminded of the old story that ends "It is my nature".

Lily is a character. Characters don't always live forever. Even Wash ended. This is not to say Lily has become a true leaf on the wind. She is simply shut down by her own....dare I say....will.

What price freedom?

I as a sim admin and player have tried to provide for anyone who wanted to partake of it, a place for creativity to flourish - in and out of character. Sometimes this meant boundaries were pushed a bit far to one side or another, and other times it meant saying "sorry, no" when I felt like saying ''yes, sure''. The point here is that while we are a not for profit sim, currently purposed to provide for research about collaboration and creativity in virtual space, there MUST be some guidelines in place or things devolve into chaos. While that may be desired, or the point of some spaces, it is not the point of what is happening on sim formerly known as Hale's Moon.

Secondarily, while donations have helped tremendously, the majority of the sim costs are paid for by me. If you don't know how much it costs to run a sim, you might look it up. Just to get it placed is 1500 dollars. The monthly cost is 300 dollars a month for a class five private island sim. That means over the course of two years, my own personal cost for this is well approaching 10 thousand REAL dollars, so its probably only reasonable that I would exercise some amount of control over what is allowed and not allowed. Our academic discount has reduced this cost in the past, but LL does not allow those any more. We have received funding for various little projects, but it does not cover the costs. No one has a right to do what they want there, any more than they have the right to go into your house and act in ways that are not allowed in your house. And no one has any entitlement to accuse any sim owner of ''destroying their home'' when a sim is changed.

The point here is that you can be free to do things, but that does not make you entitled to them. Nack Barnes has run Fireflys bar for long long time. As a player, Nack is incredible. As a character, when he plays, he's also incredible. When he gave up his sim, Blackburne, it hurt IC and OOC.
But no one had any right to talk about how Nack had destroyed their home. Nack had provided it for a long long time. Many of us played there. But none of us was entitled to it. I was not there the day Blackburne failed, as a player. I had to restage it as Lily fighting off Reavers to allow my story to continue with any sort of integrity. So I did.

Which leads me to ask why anyone playing on what is now Dragon's Egg would take issue with the fact I decided to change it. I asked people's opinions. I got some, mostly positive, some not liking it, some hating it. And, I decided.

And that is the price of creativity, and of freedom. At the end of the day, creativity and freedom to create are not free - especially in virtual worlds. They cost money. They cost resources. They cost time. Not everyone contributes all of those things, and that is fine - not everyone can. In fact some of the most valuable contributions to the sim have been those of time and creativity. I appreciate those greatly. But even those do not entitle anyone to anything.

The highest cost of creativity and freedom is usually not paid by the person seeking it. When it is, it is really wonderful - but requires only the expectation of entitlement to become absolute hell. Hale's Moon had become absolute hell.

Aeon Voom's player had a dream. I wonder at times if it would not have been better to have let it end when he walked away. Perhaps it would have. I cannot travel back in time. Only forward.

Thus, Dragons Egg. I will write more about the dragons egg vision next time. Until then, stay safe, and keep each other good company.

What Price Freedom?

2011-08-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

a message to readers of this blog from Lily's typist....

When I first brought Lily into the FireFly Verse, she was blank. Anyone who has read this story from the start,or who has been around since forever, has seen Lily 's character evolve from a non-speaking, blank entity to a speaking (even if somewhat odd), reasoning, and seemingly feeling character. Those who have gotten to know Lily's player in any meaningful sense of the term have seen the method behind the madness, and know that while Lily's player has many of the same mannerisms as her character, the player is *not* the character.

Lily's player, that is, me, played her first computer ''role play" game - in the sense of playing with other people rather than just being a character in pre-determined game - sometime back in the mid 1980s. Watching teams and groups form, evolve, work together - those sorts of things have always interested me. Seeing the ways in which players and characters share identity is another one of those interesting things. At some point, after completing way too much game time, and a considerable amount of time being involved in computing in some form or another, I decided to make an honest woman of myself and put it to some good use. I got a degree. Okay, I got three of them. I mention that only to lend some understanding of why I think the way I do about some things - why I have the approach I do to some things.

One of the things I learned was about technology. I learned a lot about it, actually, ended up with a PhD in computer science. It has been interesting to see how many people assume that because Lily is well, Lily, that her player could not possibly understand how to determine if the cause of lag in Second Life is related to the server, or the players avatars, client, computer, connection. Even when Lily began to show signs of becoming "one with technology", i.e. mated to a computer, many people assumed that she was probably a seventeen year old high school girl, or maybe a college boy playing at being a girl.

Another thing I learned was more relevant to my degree in Human Behaviour and Professional Counseling. I learned that most people really *are* trying to do the right thing, and to *be* the right way with people - same as in the real world out here......but that the lack of contextual clues continued to create rifts, misconceptions, misperceptions, and sometimes emotionally dangerous situations. And, not everyone is nice.

Lily, with her total trust of everyone and her inability to lie was able to observe these things more or less objectively, as she simply was programmed to record and transmit human behaviour. She learned to associate behaviour with action, or with words, and every single day, she woke up with no expectation of what she would encounter, and not expecting consistency from any individual character.

Over time, however, the character of Lily did establish 'trust' of some other characters. Sometimes those were characters the player (me) had gotten to know, and sometimes they weren't. The trust was sometimes IC and sometimes OOC.

Therein is the problem. For all of keeping Lily and my 'self' separate, there have been times when I have experienced personal hurt, or grief, over things that resulted from the blurring of in and out of character feelings. They are dangerous and powerful things, the feelings and emotions that can be generated in the virtual world. They are real in that they can certainly impact people. And, the blurring of the IC and OOC worlds sometimes makes sorting this sort of mixed emotional roller coaster out in a logical, reasonable way. Feelings are not the things of logic. This interests me because I also have a degree in an area of Philosophy, dealing with ethics and logic. It is to do with ethical implications and results of various types of technology and discussed many of the SL issues long before SL was even a thought in Mr. A's thought queue. Certainly I was not the only, nor the first, to explore the area; I learned a lot from other people - technologists, ethicists, professors, as well as housewives, guys that worked at the grocery store and children playing on computers in Kindergarten.

Now, as Lily is at a critical point in her "life", I would like to share some of those things with anyone who feels like reading. Lily is currently shut down. She shut herself down. She cannot be waked up or fixed or any of that, so if you see her, and she is up and moving about, she is OOC.
She shut herself down upon learning something that she could not process. She may return. She may not. I think she will, entering a new character phase. But she is not the same as she was. She will never be the same.

What price freedom, the title of this article, refers to the price any of us pay to be ""free"" to be creative in the virtual world. By nature, creativity generally involves thinking differently - and as such, creative people are often not the easiest to get along with. As an artist, the creative person requires freedom and license to pursue ideas. Given unlimited supply of materials (ok, a finite number of prims but unlimited ability to shape and texture them), the opportunity to improvise, and the acceptance of a community, the creative person is going to produce something they feel. Something they love. Something they are.

The issue of freedom comes in when you have to look at creativity in the virtual world Lily lives in.

That is the topic of the next blog entry. Later today.

con

2011-07-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

I met a man

Him look like a lobster

He take me in and give me breakfast....

We taked Hale's Moon to a place to raise money for people that is ailin'.

A lot of people camed and we also had special guest from film, and also a tardis.

This one met a lot of people. Here are pictures.

Okay, okay, one picture. And it only show us making ready. The other pictures of which there is many is at the Welcome Center on Hale's Moon. And I put them in my book next time I write. Now, got too much to think on. You know. Things.

Also, I talk to the mermaidman and him said him NEVER dishounour Lady LilyBell. That what him calls me. I tell him, one more time of not dancing, and Lord Rashad gots to end him. Him being somefing like, my Pa on that sand hill wif Miss Reiko. Him say, this one got to know him a MERMAIDMAN.

Ok, ok, I say ok, and that I released him from the marital strings but him say no no, we dance. Then say something funny. Say good for him that he not human.

Said "I will wait. We will dance".

So, that sound like a proper proposal to me. But, better I asks Seana cause very time I gets a new husband, them gone in a day. Not just from me clawin' to the death, or bite, or outrun. Sometimes them leaves before the dance even over, music still on and every one having such a lot of fun the way them do. It the same. Them talk quiet to someone, look at me, and then next thing you know, them gone.

I hope Bram like this one if we gets us a new husband. Bram so nice and like, a real boy and also, him is alive still so it prove him gentleman. My name carved in hims arm and *i* not carve it. Him carved it. This one love Bram. him so nice. And, gots a suit.

But this one. Never see anyfing like him. Ever. Look like obsidian. You know. Indian Tear.

Translucent. Let in light. Keep out dark. It is legend. I seen it on tv.

on road

2011-06-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

I deliver the big ship to the lady at Al Raquis, and her take possession of it. I got an extra dress.

Next day, I visit Miss Calina to ask about some lessons. Her say take a baf. Then later the one that is like no one this one ever seen was there. It when I camed to bring Miss Calina back some of the lizards it told me to go hunt. This one go hunt...seven of them..and bring free ..was four but her eated the biggest of the remaining...and I not see nobody, so I leave them. Then I see Miss Calina and Kraaaaaaken come down from up where the companioning is.

Him look right at me, and say him not see me. Him say not gots ability to see one that only want to be seen by someone , or somefing, this one not really know what it talking about , but....it say to me that ..well. It talk to me.

We went outside cause I hear somefing and guess who?

YES! It Miss Ardra, and it say it gotted my message. Also say some fings that really not make sense, but also do at same time. It say her...like, I looking right *at* her...is like Blue.

It want Wylder.

And it happy to get my happy present, and it ask me also for torso and arms.

It talk to Krakken, actually, and say him bringed war and illegal blockade. Everyone afraid when them see Miss Ardra, but Krakken show no afraidness of her.

Then him say to me we go to dance in the morning before the day sees and steal our joy.

Good fing that ship lady gived me the extra dress. I going to Pryxis or somefing like that, AND this one get to hunt there. There fings there that harm the Seti. Them my friends.

And the shiny one too.

Hmmmm. What else, oh, I got a new ship. It named NekkarK. That Krakken backwards but that a secret. Oh, and I visit Miss Ardra house and it got more fings, all the way to Tauri 34.

Love,

Lily

Flying

2011-06-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

Well. The fact is Ardra gots wings, not really legs. A lady telled me.

Now this one thinking for sure, maybe legs not the best fing to make for it. Maybe need wing too.

This one take ship name StarStinger, and come wif AuroraBlue to find that Dr., what is called Qui, to ask him for sure what parts this one would need to make the perfeck present for Miss Ardra. But, him no where.

Well, first fings first. First fing, got losted when nav stop working. Some time ago, if that happen, this one could access internal programming and not be losted but...that data seem to be not there. Not sure why. Nuffing working as fast as it did before. Some fings is losted.

So, losted it was, and then I find a nice lady in a base up high. It let me stay and I putted that cub to bed, and then next day I fly to some other place, turn out it belong to the Mean Man what is named Barbosa, some kind of special ship. I walk around it, and take some fings from it, just in case them is needed. You know, like some cables and stuff one might need. But no one ever come so I go to the land, and I meeted a very nice lady that live in a Clan House.

It name is Reiko and it SO nice, Next day I go see it again. It say it somefing like Desert Born. It say it good that I taked fings from that man ship. I tell it about Miss Ardra, and it say it KNOW her, that it gots WINGS. It also say Miss Zeno am wif Alliance, and also say Miss Calina is with Alliance. I tell her, NO, them Browncoats, and it say ''oh they much more than just Browncoats''. What that mean? What is more than Browncoats?

Anyway, I go to play wif her again and we go up in her big house and it show me some rooms, mans rooms, girls rooms, war rooms, and roof. From roof we see house of the Myrm, who she says look like mans but is not. Not sure what that means, actually.

I guess maybe this one go house to house to look for that doctor. Nobody seem to know of who him is, though. And nobody know Miss Mercedes. And nobody know about them twins. But, this one knows. And this one find them girls, that lady, and that man if that what it take to get to my friend Ardra.

Amen.

2011-05-30T15:38:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary..

Ship out of control.

Not gots a chute.

This man can't fly him ship and too stubborn let this one fly.

Osmium

2011-05-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

I gots a new best friend, him name Shaft. I meeted him in Londonium where him work in the pr0n shop as a guard. I sented him a note to come see me, and him did, and then him keep me in my house and not let me out. AT ALL.

I not like that, but then Mister Luke say it cause him not want to leave. So Mister Luke aks that man can Shaft live in my house and him say he can so now him live wif me. Not pay no rent or nuffing and I gots to give him meat, but that not a problem. This one hunt all the time. Soon, take him hunting wif me. Him *fast*.

Him the first boy that can keep up wif me when we runs,

and also, him uses all hims arms and legs to run wif. Him

not like most people much, though, and especially him not like Gallagher *at all*. Not meeted the cub yet.

Miss Seana say it not any problem at all that him black and from some other place. That good cause ..well, him just the cats pajamas. That mean him is COOL. Not a cat.

On another toothpic, Marshhhh deliver all but the last bit of what this one needs, so her going to Al Raquis . Marsh crew nice, I let them live. I give him gold that I gotted from the cub. I got some bags of stuff to trade at the Al Raquis too. Cub gots lot of stuff stored.

this here am Al Raquis. actually where i go is farther away but this where we gots to land. then, on foot going.

I going there now, in just a minute actually, to find out if anybody know where Ardra or her daddy live at now. Also, this one send a wave to let it know gots a surprise.

Legs. That is what this one been making. THAT is what osmium is for. Making LEGS for Miss so that her can run fast away from any bad mans that try to make it miss the event.

I, that is to say, me, this one, LilyBell S. Noodle, gots a copy too, in case them kill it. Oh, it

delete itself and say forget, but...silly, it not take the copy. If it take this copy gots wif me now,

though, then there none left and..well, all them osmiums was for nuffing.

but SOMEONE came snooping around where this one does the work, so had to put in some traps.

Start a pile, bitches. That make me laugh. Anyway....

So I finded a man, actually I taked him ship. Name is Roy. I mention going to get ride to that place, and him say him take me. Gots a ship. We leaving now in fact, and so I just wanted to say before we go, that I am good and not to do nuffing *bad* to Mister Nack's friend. I not kill it.

Amen.

signed, yours truly,

Lily

The Mines

2011-05-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

This one been in the mines for some three weeks now, wif its friend Shaft. We getted real acquainted and it nice to have someone to run wif.

The cub peek around and we play some hide and seek, that fun.

And Cody came lookin' for it also but not find, that cub know how to hide.

This one sneak up to Firefly's last night and seen Mister Nack fru the window. I know that hims name, also, seen some other ones, Miss Shondra and Miss Babii....Genra, and Marshhhhh was there too. Not see any of the osmium cases like before.

This one not go into that place. Not wants to see no people really. Well, people of the human kind. Them scares me. I spit out words that come from inside, but them not connect to anyfing at all. Nuffing.

In the late late night I sneaked into some offices. No cats No where. Town is Safe. Welcome to Hale's Moon. I am called Lily and my job is to proteck you. L i l y. The rules is no spit, no whorin in public. Got to wear underwear and no cats is allowed. Cats is bad.

If'n you need a place to stay, I can show you boarding house, for girls and for boys. No boys can be in girls house. No girls can be in boys house. It gots locks wif numbers. I tell you them numbers.

Food we gots in the place that is named Fook. Chinese food, buffet, all day, and drink. Also is a big cortex for watching the News. News is good. News is what happen all over the world and 'Verse.

There horse and cars for riding, also train. No go in wastes wifout gun. Bad fings in it.

If'n you use the baf house, keep you valuables on you cause thiefs comes sometimes.

Shuttle can take you to orbital. Orbital gots cargo holding and all that.

Sun Tzu still live up in the sky. That Alliance. It a comm ship. If them catch inyou, them keep you but usually them just come by to get records and logs on all them machines. If you take one of them ships, sometimes they come after you, arrest you..sometimes not. Them gots cameras though. Most Alliance mans mean. Some nice. Them gots girls too. The in charge
one is Miss Pepper or Miss Lionheart. Bof of them is fair. But still, them Alliance.

Licences for whorin, that is, companioning, is available at the licesnse office in the government building, also is business license, gun license and marriage license. The mayor office is there,
and that mayor is also my adopted Ma. I got several. But that the only one actually ever even touch me. Brush my hair.

I look good in red.

I ain't got a mate. Gallagher is mine. Do not kill somefing that talk. That a sin, say Kari Niven. Kari Niven Kari Niven Kari Niven.

This one name Lily S. Noodle. Lily. L i l y.

The News

2011-04-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

This one been watching the news for two monfs. And, there a *lot* going on that most people don't know about on this here moon, in this here 'Verse. They like to keep it quiet but you can't stop the signal. Just can't.

1. On the News I seen that if a ship go down, the first girl gots to hang onto the board, but the boy gots to go under the water. Water is not nice. This one know why the cub not wants to get in it, also, the cub been digging *again*.

2. On the News, Aunt Bea say Andy got to talk wif him boy about not going to school. This one not go to school, but no one say nuffing to me, L i l y, about that. Since that teacher leaved, no one go to school. The new teacher just not ever show up. Probably died in the Black.

3. Luke's Daddy tell him that family most important, and them had to also save cattle. For some reason cattle just ending. The Sheriff of that place was bad. The Daddy keep a rifle all the time, and they ain't got no Ma.

4. There a big wedding, and then there was a kiss, on the news. This one ask Miss Seana if getting hitched can be happening, but her just look at me. This one never had a dress like that girl in the News. When you gets married, you become a Duchess. This one want to be a Duchess. It fun being a pie. But Duchess look like fun too, get to ride in a car like Cinderella in the books. By the way, Cinderella just a story. Like, about a flea.

5. Some old rockets been launched, and it gots a funny name. Like, End Ever. It look like a pretty place to shoot into the sky from. That the thing. You can boil the sea but you not take the sky from me. They talking a lot about scrubbing. It look like a big old rocket, dirty too, but not so much that it need a baf. The News say it historic. It look pretty old tech to be going into the sky.

7. A girl stoleded a bracelet and went to jail. Another one is having a baby. And one got its head cut off by its boyfriend at school.

8. Some kind of BAD fing is living in the desert and a man wif a big axe is chasing a girl and it lefted its red dress at home. A girl, one that look like them twins almost, tell it 'good luck'. and then they say it "coming soon".

9. Men can gets somefing that make them feel young on the spur of the moment. It blue. All the men on the news is a lot older than them girls wif them.

10. If you need an attorney, you supposed to call 1-800-ASK-GARY.

Miss Seana talking about limiting time I allowed to watch the news. I not able to lie, but I can sneak. The news the most important fing this one gots to do. How else will her get to be knowing how to be making days and nights be like, you know, like it supposed to be.

Love,
Lily

p.s. Blue keep sticking me in my head.

2011-02-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

helo? helo? that is what this one would say if was anyfing to say it on but no......somefing hitted this one ship. sitting. not so far from orbital, just got more fuel to power some fings in this ship. but there nuffing to say it on. well, can say it on but it not go any other place but right here. "Back at you Lily". Make this one laugh to remember that man. anyway them say to keep log so it like diary only about ship, ok, so this it.

L O G

got bear. got picture. just want to go to the black. this one gotted a cindal too, so now know what that look like.

there big big BIG sound. look like engine clean knock offed the side of this ship. and, jammed into the big rock in the sky, also. usually can fix with power, you know, in the special way..but...there just not even engine so it good we stuck in rock actually, else make ship go over and over and over all the way to the ground and then crash. BlueSun not like if this one crash this ship, too - was using for just small transports but...still got some of that in here.

ok, so i just sit, probably. maybe climb out and look around on rocks. but first maybe run more diagnositics on comms, cause it not really make sense in any way that them just 'stop'. even with power, them not work. so it not power issue. somefing else not working. i find out.

anyway log, this the end of you.

love, lily
p.s. her and lynx is not married. that probably good. every time her gets a husband, him either run off or miss seana make her let him go. only one can keep is gallagher and that because when we dance, angels run and hide.

p.p.s. we might marry bram but him won't give us that alliance ring, and on the tv, them said the Gage mint ring the first fing. That all new information for me, so just service and protect, service and protect, do them jobs, maybe someday be really really really real.

p.p.p.s. log, it very quiet up here.

Take a Test ..it FUN!

2011-01-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

Today this one taked a test. It say this one like the one that Miss x0x0 gots a picture of on that desk in her office. That so funny!

Your results:
You are River

Even though you may have some personality problems,
(most likely due to being too smart
and/or from experiments done on you),
you are extremely talented and loved.

Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test

Kari Niven

2011-01-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

Kari gone on walkabout, runabout, and this one not even want to eat. Oh not first time and not last time one hopes but...Kari Niven, Kari Niven, Kari Niven. Not safe to get attach to anyfing, specially a wild fing, but........it take leave, and now, this one hurt inside.

Kari for sure looks muchly a red lioness. It the most beautiful. For mans, sometimes it wear somefing like, human looking, like this one. Not like it. This one feel betrayed when one of
us look like one of them. Ok, so not one of us. Just that one. Also, it ignore me and play with the real people. That actually it. It prefer company of humans. Well, maybe that expedient, not prefer, but ....not run, not jump, not hide and sneak.

This one bare its teeth and claws, to challenge, just hope that one would end me for sure.

Now it gone on hunt, away, and this one, somefing like, lost. It made it ok to be me, and now it gone. So, maybe this one not ok. Maybe this one go on huntabout too.

Miss Kari Niven. This one's heart not settled until her hold me. This one supposed to proteck all citizens of Hale Moon.

Fail fail fail. This one fail.

This one will dig. Her not my only sister.

Happy Shiny People

2010-12-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

....is what is supposed to be. But, most of them not look so 'smiling' or 'happy'. That mean, actually, "happy", is when the outside corner of the mouf is turn up, the eyes in the outer corner is little bit turn up, the nostril of the noses is not flaring, and them heads is pushing forward a little bit. Nope, nope, not like that. Them eyebrows is some up in the middle, and some noses is got big holes, like, sad and mad. But the words that come out of them is all happy, but what is inside of them, not so much.

Miss x0x0 zhangsun tell me take down ALL the decorations. This one think it very irritated that it not win, but, dead trees not so much look 'happy' or anyfing. Only "Christmas" on that ones decorated ship was red, in the red rose. It right that Mister Lux and Miss Jo winned that contest, cause them made pretty shiny sparkle ships. This one ship, had angels, and them talked. Actually them talk so much, them never stop talking. One hear the next one, and it respond, and say somefing and the first one hear, and then it answer and the second one respond, and this go on and on and on. Never stop talking. Even when the slavers came and people getting shotted, them angels saying "I not programmed to tie him up" and "That classified information".

Anyway, the Alliance boy had nice one actually but them judges say 'them take everyfing from us, not gonna give them ANYFING'. Guess that just the way of life out here. Not so different from on my daddy ship.

But this one taked them all down, and sent out a notice to people to take down, and so that the end of all the fancy dressed up pretend we happy when we all starving time.

There some other 'situation', too. Miss x0x0 say BlueSun will pay to redo the old house to make a boarding house, and I start on it, making in stairs, and all that. Then it come and say "stop stop, No, NOT put it there. Take this. Move that. And then it go all blank like and just stare at me as if it waiting for me to say somefing. What do this one say? "Yes, Miss, I fix it". Well this one got idea, anyway. Maybe companion house make better boarding house. Already gots beds. Companions houses always gots beds. Spare ones too. There spare ones in the storage place, actually. So this one say "Does you want me to build like old place before it gotted destroyed?", and it just look at me. Then it just wander off.

Look back over its shoulder, and say "Also, they need paper". PAPER? What mans wif no place to sleep or live need paper for? Well so lucky this one saved paper from all them presents - not sure why people throw away all that shiny paper - so can use that. Lots of paper.

Noffing really make any sense about now. At least some good fings for sure, though....Miss Lauralai and Miss Lorie has joined Mister Nack and now the family back together.

But Miss Kari Niven Kari Niven Kari Niven. Her betrayed me.

Decisions Decisions

2010-12-17T07:35:00.001-08:00

Well so Miss x0x0 show up and start yelling at me 'where is my ship'. It not bringed me the ship so how I could put anyfing on it from them boxes. Ok, ok, I do it. I do it. Think that one losted the rest of her mentals, because nuffing in that boxes except old dead trees, a sign and one red rose. Ok, ok, so I put them on like her said. Dead trees all over the ship. Many. Sign say 'you in good hands, really' and BLUE SUN. That one laughed when I set up that sign, say 'a sense of irony, don't you agree', and then it just wander off over to the wastes where it mostly is all the time now. I place the single long stem red rose on the front like her tell me.

Losted the rest of them marbles in her head, for sure. Say to me "Happy Christmas, Lily", and then *hug* me. Wander off. Talking to itself.

There so many pretty ships in the contest. I gotted all the votes in from judges and gotted them for paper, so they can put in and pay. Them talked, I hear, say 'gots to be a tie'. maybe this one win. Had all them robots be angels, and robot baby too. Them talked. Actually them not shut up once them start. Stupid robots. Robots is bad. not as bad as cats. But bad.

Mister Lux maked the most beautiful ship. Inside was the baby that is weighed in a manger, and on top was a fireplace and it snowed. There was deers too. It glisten. Just look...so pretty. This one like shiny lights, so nice. Mister Vega and Mister Bram maked nice ships too - very manly. I like best one from Miss Jo, it a big package and open up and the SantaClams is inside of it, waving. It snow too.

Best one, probably though, I bet will win is one from Alliance man. And that gonna piss off the town, cause money is tight and BlueSun pay Alliance? Still, got to say Mister Gage did great job. Pluse, he broughted me a new friend, name Navigator. Shiny.

Gallagher was there dress up like Alliance man, he said 'sucker' and ran. Gage say, 'that not
Gallagher' but that what I hear when i was wif navigator. Gallagher. I seen Gallagher next
day and him say 'what you talking about'.

Mister Desmond gived me a bag of shinies for a present. REALLY nice.

I give out almost all my gifts. It so ..well, the rule is you say thank you if someone give you gift. Like, I say thank you for PONY that I gotted from Mister Luke and Miss Tabitha. That right, a PONY of my own and Miss Seana say this one can keep it too.

But I gived out, actually maked, over 100 gifts. Each one was some different. Some very fancy, some not so much fancy, but still loved - and less than 20 of them people said 'thank you'. One man even say "i don't want it". Next year probably I gots to make nicer fings, maybe them like better and say 'thank you'. Or maybe them get coal. But this one hate to give away coal, it very precious. It just soft diamonds.

I got wave from that cub AuroraBlue. Today it will come and I can give it present. I giving it its first blue metal square. I hope it likes.

I do not know..

2010-12-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

why at this time of the weathering...that which them calls season...everybody get so different from most of the time.

miss seana kidnap my first one and go off to ariel, and miss kari niven helped her do it.

mister tarlek put on clean shirt.

miss abigail wearing new hair, all red and shiny.

mister thoth suddenly very reclusive.

cody ran away wif a man that is a hunter. they all say got kidnapped but you know, sometimes cody just go.

miss x0x0 pack up a bag and vamoose (that like a deer that runs, ok?) to the orbital and who know WHERE it went, leaving a horse in the hospital.

Now, about that horse. First off, this one NOT push it over no cliff or hill. Not lead it into any temptation or deliver it to the evil. But for sure, this one DID see that horse on the ground over there by where is bad fings. Why this one not tell miss x0x0 about that?

HA! Her not borned yesterday. Well, ok, not borned at all, but that is what they say about not being totally unprepared. When they, the organics like Miss x0x0 and others, even those who are tampered with also, get bad news, guess what. The one that brings the news is the one that get in the trouble. And them get to do same fing over and over and over.....for like, punishing.

That is what they call it when you gots to do the same fing over and over.

Anyway that horse gots zombie eyes, not caring what the doctor say. It a people doctor, not a horse doctor. Miss Lilia know more about horses. Say 'make it stand'. Yes, sure, it like walking dead for sure.

Ok, so on to the lights. BlueSun, that is to say, Miss x0x0, leave me 'directions' for 'annual blue sun Christmas walk'. What..is it NUTS? Well, sure, yes, it is, but how and where these fings her had shipped over should go? There NOT any destiny compound. There NOT any BlueSun 'land holdings'. It gone. Somefing about that big fire ball that hitted it? It like that one just "forgot" about that, and leaved me directions to do this....impossible fing.

How I'm supposed to do somefing that can't be done.

And then, my girls. Cody tell me to get eggs. I gotted. Lefted from the hunt, still nice. But them was all colored and smell funny too, so not so hard getting new ones. Got them chickens that is pets, and since no one buying any chickens lately...well, used them two eggs. Nice ones, too. Putted them in the next. And so when this one goes to show someone, like, Dav, and also like Bram who maybe is their daddy, guess what. THEM GONE.

Tell the sheriff. Tell even the Alliance boy. Someone taked my twins. Audrey and Ardrey. Stealed them right out from their next.

Alliance boy, name Gage, write it all down and say he will investigate. Gallagher, that sheriff who belong to *me* LilyBell S. Noodle, say dog ated them. Well if that true, that dog get eated too. After all it not talk.

It a sin to eat fings that talk. Come to thing, that horse them sticked in the little house called 'manger', (that being the zombie horse I speaked about earlier), it not talk too. Maybe it not get well, then, fresh meatsticks for everyone.

PROOF that this one NOT a cat. So there.

2010-11-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

just sayin.

Fixing

2010-11-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

Some things sure seem broked. Like, Miss x0x0. It setted up a like, something like, a tent. And just watch the fires burning in the big pit that was destiny. It been there three days now, in that tent, just a starin' at the flame. Nobody bring it no food, or drink or nuffing. And, when this one try to come near, that red fur just held out her hand as if to stay "stop", but not even look at me. Well I know how *that* can end up. I seen mans dead on the floor when that one think strongly at them, so I not push the issue. My job to service and protect. It not want no service, no service gonna be forced down its pale skinned neck. But, well, never seen anyfing like this actually. Nuffing in my data memory too, only one thing close, called "mourn". Miss x0x0 look like its "mournin". Don't know how long it can stay there. Even ones like that one needs food, sleep. Okay, okay, BlueSun maybe got some extra 'things' so maybe longer than a normal girl, or a normal boy. But even that one gots to eat sometime. And..well, it just not right, how her sittin there. Almost look like it turn to stone.

Then there that cub. Off living with them whores in Pacquin. Oh, them nice enough and take good care for sure, but still, Cap'n Aeon said ..well that not important. I got eyes on that place, though, and I seen it, still all dirty, still wearing its blades, and sneaking around diggin in the sand. Making like, castle. I *also* know Cody went to take some fings there for someone and seen that cub. But the person that tell me fings could not tell what them doing. Just said cub standed up and shaked her fist..and made a noise.

That the first noise her make since the accident.

It just seem like this one destined to be wifout a boy. Gallagher for sure like my brofer. I seen brofers and sisters, like Miss Zhansun and Mister Mindo. Not like that. Him a nice brofer like..well guess Glaze and Gunner not the best of broffers huh. But, anyway, him mine. Miss River had a broffer, I readed it, him name Simon. Gallagher like Simon. Only like, more like a mean Simon that was only nice to him sister. Shepherd, him nice to me all the time since washed me in the water. Like a Father. Nack, him like a broffer that gots my back. Yes yes, baby gots back. And ..but, Mister Bram leaved, and Mister Peter not come back and Mister Gage forgot me, and Mister ..well, all them Misters, them just here for a season, and anyway, nobody dance wif me so I not getted married this month at ALL.

The ships BlueSun commissioned hit snag, so all being refitted. So I got some business on the side. From Mister Steve. Him nice. Maybe we dance but actually this one much more interested to see them twins again.

It more fun than dancing.

2010-11-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

We warned them it coming. Most left. But not all.

After, this one survey the damage. It gone. It just gone. Everyfing. Gone.

It way too hot to go down in that hole even to gather up rocks or play. So this one survey the area in small ship from BlueSun, and report back.

Gone Baby Gone.

Everywhere on the moon hot from it, actually. But, no radiation, that good.

A new man..well, two new mans....in the town. Nice mans, not even say nuffing like cats, or not anyfing about it, you know, just nice.

And Ardra finded the Zahir. Told me. Now maybe her happy. Reminds me, need to see them twins. We not gotted our tea and now this one gots new place to make tea, them can visit.

Mostly though, truf be told, this one sit and stare at the burned up rock. They say there no way him could have survived. Even circuits would have melt. Everyfing.

Bracelet not melt though. If this one feeled, probably would be burning wrist. But it just cold.

BlueSun keep me busy making fings, for sure, yes but...now, just want to sit. There a time to mourn and a time to dance. This one not dancing.

Still don't got no explanation....

2010-09-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

but her read today in BlueSun Signal about this:

So, it say about her take them food and nice things, and escort people who gots to come in for some business...but it not say nuffing about why.

The fence them had this one put up is very tall, and NOW them tell it gots to be fittted wif sensors and electricals so no one accidental go inside.

Something funny going on. Miss x0x0 been holed up in office wif Seana for free days now, tomorrow make four, and there a lot of encrypted traffic between BlueSun and Orbital. Usually it not any problem for me to listen but this time, them tell me no listen, and since I gots to do what them say, every time I get near to that computer I gots to close that part of me so I not hear it talking. And, them say "Lily, you not talk to it until we say", so I not even talk to him at all.

Wonder if the cub allowed to talk to him. It sneaking all around the moon since five days now. It not stuck behind that fence, at least, but....well hope it not go to my house and find that girl I hiding there.

And also, why so many little dishes wif jelly in them all of a sudden come to BlueSun. them not make NOFFING in there for a year, just research and the red fing that Miss x0x0 used to help fix up me and AuroraBlue. It been sitting in that place for*ever*, and when I was there, it look like it turning to something like jello. Miss just smile and say "ok, that ok, Lily, it doing just what it supposed to do". Probably her be very disappointed if her expecting anyfing like a cub from that egg. , for sure, also ain't no reason to keep me out. It mine first."

Cody moping ALL the time now, and just pinin for AuroraBlue, but it just how it is, when her want to be seen her be seen. Bad enough she left her Daddy and come back here , worse even her not tell nobody why, or even see people. It in the mines, deep. This one could smell where her was and it so sweet...but so deep.

Make me want to dig.

Gone Baby Gone

2010-08-30T10:40:00.001-07:00

Krenshar has my cub but that ok cause I sent her wif him. It only right.

Lot of work for BlueSun, seems Miss x0x0 gots all this more coin in even than usual and ordering a lot of work on the ground, and new houses and more ships.

When this one go to Destiny, it sad. I hear Miss x0x0 talking to someone about "reappropriating" them houses. The Casino is closed. The shops is empty. Mister Krenshar gots his own mind and that good, everyone should have one. Hims say go do work and take that cub. Guess a lot her gots to learn, and it not safe for her here actually.

I look up "reappropriating" and finded out it mean to give to other owners. I guess if them abandon it, that one gots every cause to "reappropriate", cause it the one what leased the land in the first place for the Replicant Order.

Still, this one wait and see, watch and wait, see what happen. Sometimes, that the best way to do fings, this is what has been learned.

I ain't seen that Alliance boy for a long time. Just like Chen. Them get what them want and then them go away and not come back. Next time this one not give them what them wants. NO pear pies and NO fresh meats and NO sit and talk. Them all want the same fing, sit and talk, rather more like, "Lily you such a good listener..you almost human". I glad I am not, and them can get them own pies from now on.

Mister Bram danced wif me, so we someting like engaged. So, maybe I go more in mines and make him a ring so we is connected. You know, I sort of sorry I disconnect them all, but HAL really cause trouble, well more like all them mans looking. Sucking out brains of them all is like sucking the yellow out of an egg, and the white part too. And, Blue is good storage. Only lately him not tell me what to do. At all.

It scary really. It like I gots to make my own decisions and choices. All the logic trees and references seem to be held up somewhere, cannot access. And *sometime* when this one gots to do that, it make a funny 'feeling' in the tummy.

And, also, last night this one had a dream. That like when you awake but you really asleep and you in a line of people and some people hitting you and you needs water, even though you not really even needs water and each time them come you hope them not take you only at the same time you hope them do because every day the same in the line, in the mine, digging...digging...

2010-08-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

So this is what this one want to know. Why in the Lab of Mister Krenshar's work is there some drawers wif names of people that I know on them. In particular, he got's me, myself and ...oh no, that not right. That the funny movie on the news, about Irene. That so silly.

Him gots Anna

Him gots AuroraBlue

Only missing am Aurora and that one so bad, too bad to stay in a closet for sure. I want to see my cub, and so I guess today I ask him to let them out so I can see her.

It make me awfully mix up cause last I know, that cub and its Cody was far away, being safe. And Alliance ships disappear one by one. Soon, if none left, no one can hunt my cub and that Cody, and that be a very very good fing.

Huh.

Deep...way down deep....

2010-08-11T17:52:00.001-07:00

This my ship.

I flied two mans, a man from Splinter Rock and another man. They try to tell me how to fly, the one did. So I take then for a special tour. It funny.

They was talking about trying to find some computer. I show them all around, but I not show them where that computer is. Oh, it gots to be the same one Miss x0x0 in love wif, and the one people always say gots this or that. It name HAL and it talk to me. My friend. Nobody taking it. Them taked Aldea and I not let NOBODY take HAL.

But the man wif the mask was nice.

Now, on to the things. First thing, just sayin, is that it fine wif me that AuroraBlue gots someone taking care of her. This one not know nuffing about young uns and especially since it gots so much organic to it, it only right and good for someone who know about such fings to be the caring taker.

Second fing, that cub gots a Ma, and that be me. It gots a Pa. And that be Krenshar Magic. And it gots a maker, and that be Blue. It gots its organic fings it need, from Miss Seana and Cody and some others (well, Miss Seana the only girl that gived it any girl parts, or whatever them is called), BUT it taked on duplicates of Cody what is called "D N A" when he choosed to do right fings, and that is that.

Third fing, Mister Krenshar been acting all very funny, dressing human, wif lot of females around. Always when this one see him in them skins, it know there must be girlses around, and yes, there is. You should see him prancing around on him horse, wif another horse on the back, impressing them. Them all fancy and all that, some even nice. But the Heart of Gold not coming back to town, they can do their business up at the Ho Tel. By business this one means eating fancy food and talking to mans til late hours in front of fireplaces, and strolling fru the gardens and sucking on pomegranates.

Fourf thing, when I taked that ship for a ride, I not know it was wrong. If it a ship, it want to fly, so I just help it.

It like the computer. If it not mean to be penetrated, why it gots ports?

And five, it not fair this one not able to ride in rodeo, but that ok. I get to practice on all them ananiminals first, make sure them works, and also race fast. This one a good tester, and so that fine.

If there was a six, it would be about a boy. Boys is not allowed in the club, and any girl who kiss a boy not allowed in the club. But this one not gots a six. And don't know nuffing about all them metal shavings or them moon baby organ traders.

My new friend

2010-08-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

This one gots a new friend, and it am a girl and maybe will join my club. Got some funny ideas, though, think it belong to someone. Of course slave illegal, in all civilized place, especially here on Hale Moon. So me and my friend went to the store. And know what? It was afraid to go inside, but once it did, gotted candy and was happy. Then we danced, too. It was fun.

It gots to have some kind of operations from its broker or somefing to get seeds for the farmers. Only, I got seeds so maybe if I see it again, I give it seeds and it not need cutted up.

I like my new friend. Her name am Jade.

Probably me

2010-07-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

Cody looked at the cub, FINALLY seen it, and now knows him supposed to take care of it and so the weddin' is off. He gived it a bracelet that gots his name on it, and now them promised. Now this one can get on about doing her work.

Except, the cub was playing up high and falled off Mister Nack's Osprey. Fall a long way, too. Very long way.

Them taked her to the medical center, and work on her, and some nice mans came to help, but her not wake up.

Mister Sentry do such a good job working on her, keeping her comfortable. Him always been such a nice boy, sure has growed up since this one first seen him in Fooks so long ago. Mister Yanto try to help too, and gived her some medicine. This one not know what that medicine was. But even that not waked her up.

I tell them, her gots to have the quiet to wake up. Gots to be hot, and cold. And quiet. Seana has taked it out somewhere quiet, but before that, Cody said he saw things that wasn't there. I don't think he is doing very well, wif the cub being so quiet and still.

Oh well, there was that problem that I tried to take it, or that is what Cody thinked...just trying to get last moments to see it, touch it, smell it. I know what happening. Reavers. So I jump out to draw them, and hope it enough.

Now it make sense, what Duncan said. Oh, did I forget to write in you my dear diary book about when Mister Duncan landed earlier? Yes yes, Mister Duncan and him crew landed, like, emergency, and the red eyed boy was wif them. Him name is Venice. Gots such pretty hair and, so just, like a model wif jointed arms and legs that makes him move like him all held together wif wires. Him was not hurted, which is good, cause it would be bad if him got hurted.

Duncan was though. And Gabe. And Emma. All bloodied up. And all Duncan say anyfing about is Reavers.

Lefted the light on

2010-07-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

This one, her, it mean, me, her mean to say....I do not understand.

I lefted that light on.

Now, am on Eponine Nine, and her a good ship. A good ship.

but there not a lot to say.

the sky is dark blue

the birds are dying slowly

i know why they sing

Somefing else happen, somefing bad. Well I writed already about it, but, it so hard to keep up the charade. I sees that man and pretend him not Cody, but, him so much is Cody in how it smell and how it goes eyes even wif contacts. So ..well I hope Seana let me go out wif it.

Bram is back. Gotted himself a good job flying Class One, but when him heard Cody got ended, said maybe him will have to stay. Kill some Alliance. I want to tell him the truf but Cody say we can't tell nobody. Everybody we would tell would be at a more risk. So I not say. I just keeps busy.

Sometimes, it seem like this one not thing things very good through to the end, but really, her does. Just, the end is much further away when you not gots parts to wear out.

the summer ice flares

the sky, gray molten metal

i must dig. for them.

Playing House

2010-06-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

All of the work this one been doing on the new House of Shaylin "Companion Hotel" almost done. Even gots security system up and running, and all them deliveries coming through just like them supposed to, and Cody gotted the dome welded all the way right. We stay up here sometimes and play, like I a companion and him is a man, and he come to talk to me for money. Well, twice we play that, and it fun. I dress up in fancy fabric and serves him..it nice.

But then the trouble came. Some hunters show up, on the Moon surface, say them looking for a 'wanted' man. They ask this one 'who is wanted', and I tell them "not know nuffing about any wanted", cause well, only one I know for sure now is Cody and not want to say *that*. But them just hang out prowling around. Make an unsettling feeling actually. There not logic to their movements, and them seems to enjoy the hunt a little too much, even for hunters.

Next day, I get wave from one of them that say them gots Cody - how then finded out him was wanted, this one not have any idea, but....they gots him. They tell me to come get him if I can..and I not sure what that means, course I *can* get any man from any place, only a matter of time. But gots no idea where they taked him, and so I just do my work all day over in Destiny, and then I go for a walk to patrol the Main Town, and what does this one see but Cody Winterwolf IN THE JAIL. Her eyes almost not believe themselves.

In it go and say "Cody?", and him tell me that them hunters had a warrant for him arrest, them ambushed him and taked him and the warrant to Gallagher and made Gallagher put Cody in the jail. Said it was all legal, and that was that. Well, that and them welded it shut, that door, so key would not get him out.

That bad man in next cell still snoring and making noises, and then this one gets an idea. This one ask Cody give me his ID...but him not gots it, it in the drawer. So this one gets it from the drawer, and sneaks into the sleeping man cell and put that ID on him. So now, anyone find him, them think him Cody Winterwolf. But, Cody still in the jail. So this one use two small pieces somefing what is named c4, on hinges of door. Not have to break lock, simply bust hinges. Quite a big explosion, lucky I tell Cody to hide under the bench. That c4 blow me all the way up to Miss Chrissy's house.

Anyway, yes yes, door fall off and me and Cody sneaks out and I take him to hide in Bram old apartment. It got good locks. Bram not around, but nobody know that, so if them see someone in window, them think it him.

So Cody safe.

Only him say, and it right actually factually, if someone who know him get to that man in the cell, them know it not Cody - so this one gets idea to take that guy. Today I dug in the mines and gotted the Alliance Uniforms and I going to go and get that guy, and then take him up and push him out of my ship. When I tell Cody that how I fing we can fro them all off track, him look all funny, and say 'can't believe you are talking about planning to kill someone, Lily'. I tell him 'better him than us', and he not say nuffing.

I just hope nobody get to the jail before I do, at least not nobody that would know that bad drunk guy ain't Cody. That would be bad. Course, actually, it not nobody fault if hunters bringed in the wrong guy, huh? Yes, yes. that a good thing to think. This one think them could do that.

Putting ID in him box is not same as lying.

Amen.

Asleep

2010-06-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Asleep. This one probably dreaming. Must be.

But her can't dream.

It was him.

This one under, in the mines, and catch his scent. Try to dig and dig to get to see if....couldn't get fru wifout breaking something of the mine. So her ran and ran and ran to mine entrance, and then ran and ran back to where him was.

Just standing there. Some dirty, and hair gotted some gray in it. Look at me and say "Lily? Is that you?".

Of course it me. Lily. L i l y.

And it....him.

Little Big

2010-06-06T11:39:00.001-07:00

It is very simple.

This one got some "less" when BlueSun taked out (or try to take out) some important thing. Not forget nuffing, but organics restart and just, well, look smaller.

This one not want to get matured again, because last time, it was nuffing but trouble. Better to stay wifout organic seedings growf cause if you gets the growf and then next fing you know, all done record and transmit, and you doing Mindo's work.

Not want to do it.

So that is that.

About that spiced candy, yes, it keep her from maturing. So it like medicine. Miss Mercedes, who am saying "come to ma ma for candy" gived it . Nuffing wrong wif it. Miss Ardra gots to have it to find her way, and it just make sense, huh, if her in me that I gonna need it. It just almost like it destiny. So we gets it.

Even better, this one can synthesize that spice - well, only if her gots some to start ...and what is maked is not the same, it different. Gots nanites. Makes sense....this one adapt whatever her gets to work right wif her, and ordinary chemicals just...don't do nuffing. Medicine not useful for Synthetics. But...get a little of somefing them organics likes, and before too long, gots new "stuff". So it work nice for me, to keep me from getting too much bigger.....and it work for Mister Krenshar too. Cause him a ...well, not a robot..but..you know.

Now this one going to look for them two girls again. Wonder why Miss Mercedes say that girl ended. Look healthy to me. Only there two of them. They play like fun and..well, they say them know where is daddy. You know, Dr. Wylder that was missing? Them going to see him soon.

Maybe this one can meet him and learn more about Ardra.

Miss Pepper came to visit, asking lot of questions. Then my jar named Audrey got taked. Not sure who taked it.

And this one not start them fires, just to be clear. Only had two matches.

In the mines

2010-05-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

There no sound in space
And quiet in the deep mines
Digging and digging.

What I was missing
She gave me in an instant
Unable to last

Starting over, now
Will it erase him image?
Only Blue Hands know

The metal is named
Krenshar is what it spells out
Wrapped around my wrist

I do hear many
I hear them scream and plan, too
I speak just to one

Daddy. Daddy. Mine.
You said you would not leave me.
This barren winter

I have no purpose
There is no memory here
Relearn and relive

I know why the caged bird sings.

ready almost

2010-05-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

We finded that old Firefly class ship and it really perfect. Strong. Only, it not quite ready. Need some fings from some other places, then it be ready.

Cody told me he don't want to marry me cause I am not myself. I tell the doctor, and she say she will talk to him but..so far, him still just not even talk to me.

He won't miss us when we go up high.

Tonite is poetry. I am going to sing. I made up a song. It somefing like a rhyme. not exactly....

My head hurt all the time and MINDO was walking around the streets wif blood all over him face, muttering about "his precious". He look straight at me and not even see me. Computers not let me in no more too. I hided up in Miss Raids house all night.

I danced wif Kari Niven. Kari Niven, Kari Niven, Kari Niven. When I grow up, all the way, I am going to be Kari Niven. Amen.

Tarlek

2010-04-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Tarlek has not been much around, but last week he was up on his roof and this one seen him up there with AuroraBlue. Well, except'n we call it Anna instead of AuroraBlue cause it a secret that she got all regenerated and is just a growin' normal and ...well...hard to say. It awfully smart, and very very much can run and move, and even navigate, although it still not learn to talk. Sound funny, say words funny. Like a baby. But then her is a baby. Well, a cub. My cub. Anna. That what we call her so no one know what her is and take her away for experimentations.

Anyway, it was up there with Tarlek. Tarlek don't say much when he is around. This one want to tell him the big news but him just never around. Well was once, but that before the news happen. Speaking of news, the news is on 24/7 in the smoking house run by 'the man'. Him gots lot of merchandise food and different fish, and some girls that one man call "skankie". That a funny word. Skankie. Them skankie girls wash mans feets. Lily also washed feets, for a girl. Girl was all beated up from fight wif Alliance.

But where was I dear diary book? Oh yes, about the cub. It up there with Tarlek and then take off for the mines, and been down there since. This one make a new place for us to be and get acquainted but AuroraBlue, well, ok, Anna, not want spend much time cause say Ardra is the reason. Not sure why but it doesn't like Miss Ardra. Lily like her a lot, though, and feel safe wif her. And, when tired, can be quiet and Ardra watch over us and so we always safe.

Oh, the news. Cody Winterwolf ask me if him can marry me and I say yes. Gived me a big ring full of diamonds. Now him can be married wif me like Mister Cobb, Cap'n Aeon, Mister Nack, Mister Pod, Mister Szander, Mister Faulkin, Mister Marsh and..well all them other mans that say Lily you want to dance and we dance and that mean we like, you know, married. Well ok ok, that Seana say it not mean you MARRIED but this one did see it on the tv and read it in someone book, and so maybe it does. But Cody said him want to make a normal life for me and that cub. Cody act like it his cub. In a way, guess Anna is him's, cause she choosed him.

I am not sure if this mean I cannot marry Aldea but her just never seem to be coming back. I know for sure not Krenshar cause we the same. We gots the same...not sure what. But some fings you just know. And I know that my bracelet same as if it my skin, but not need it to have him wif me. Still, it nice.

Anyway, been working on a ship. Well, until it blew up. Least nobody got hurt, not even Cody who as we know always get hurted. OH the doctor going to give me a pre maritime checkup. My first exam *ever* by a human doctor that ain't lookin to cut nuffin off me. Very excited !! I am hoping I get a sucker.

Candy is so good. OH. Mister Isrkin land and gived me candy, and it nice. Hims ship sure is a piece of junk, almost as much junk as Aldea II - that what I call my ship that was salvage, that I fix, that then fell apart wif a big noise. Him ship got lot of places to hide. Next time him not find me, I hide and go somewhere exciting. Get some coin. Maybe gamble or get hired as crew for small job, and get more coin. Then not gots to ask Seana for money from my bank. Ok, ok, she say 'just ask Lily and I will get for you', but it be fun to get my own. Mindo leaved me all that coin, that nice, and maybe he will be nice now that him is living in Destiny wif him sister, all caged up. Not me, I not like cages. But maybe him will be nice and I can see him and we can have a family again.

Mindo and me. Daddy.

Nobody really understand. Well maybe somebody do.

Ardra.

Her understand everyfing about Daddy.

a b c d e f ...

2010-04-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it been some days since I write to you diary book, but, well, so much things keeping this one spinning to and fro. First, one day I got the thought..impulse...not sure what..to go for a high fly, and so I take the Marauder to Splintered Rock. Usually skys there is pretty clear and you can fly very fast a long way. Only this time, skys was clear, but for some reason her fly straight to a ship that is way very high, and just watch it for a long time. "Gots to get in that ship" is all tihs one can think, and..well, it not easy to get into. Nobody in it. But it gots some kind of keeping out things, not sure what. But, well, it had computer so this one ask and it letted her in and inside was all kind of circles and lines and everyfing black. Hard to see where you going.

But then her see him over in the corner. Small but powerful, and just..well, waiting. So her approach him and touch him tenatively, and then the screens appear. Pictures. There pictures in the air of Blackburne, and of..well, other places. And picture of Miss Ardra and her looking happy....it was then that I gotted that feeling, or impulse, again, so moved myself to the other side and take a look at the switches. Him a very different kind of computer, but him a computer. And not too long before him tell me everything he had to say.

First, HAL camed. In him was databases and so since her eat data, her eated them and taked home the leftovers. That a joke, like 'say what' and then you say 'what' and that what them calls a joke. Okay, but in them datas was so many things. Angels of Mercy or somefing like that, hospital - records and photographs of that place. And there a picture of Cody, and it shows that chip them putted in his eye. There all kind of trade records and deals on some drugs. And a lot about some of Mindo's projects, and Controlled Chaos how them used that work. Oh, it sad there some personal notes that lady miss her lover, and then there all kind of duty rosters. And, a list of people. Well, several lists, not sure what them was, just coded list. And that just the beginning. It like almost all history was in that database.

After I take all of that things, Ardra want to go to a secret place for safety, so we go, and talk long time. Lily really want her stay safe, stay wif me. We stay for long time and just be.

When I go home, I read more of them datas, and all points to a bad lady name Mercedes and it her fault everyone looking for Ardra like her some kind of criminal. Her NOT. Not done anything wrong, only did what her job was and then them abandoned her. I not abandon her.

So then I go to find that lady to tell her stop. Maybe scare her. I can see she was at the Hale's Moon station, but not anywhere. So I go to Necromon place where she was en routed to. Only, not find her. Find funny looking creatures and labs that is all full of lights, and even talk to a big worm but no Miss. So I comed home. Ok ok there was some mans try to grab ahold of this one, and her arm got hurted by a sharp thing one of them throwed - but no big deal. Meaning, them mans all ended now. Arm is healing up nice, doctor said was 'interesting'.

Cody gived me a diamond ring and ask me if'n I'd marry him and make a family with him and the cub. Me and the cub already a family, not sure her can make another family but say Seana say 'do it' so her thinking about it. Thing is, its the end for sure. The doctor told me her husband is in her heart.

Him was a nice man and no matter what the rules of the society is, it just not right to shrink someone like shrunken head--like they did that reaver head--and put them into someone heart. Or, maybe they melted him down and inject him straight into her heart. In any case, Lily not wanting a man inside her heart. And its worse. They also get in your brain, like worms.

I told Seana Cody rather a big fella and if him try to get in my heart,the rest of me would probably have to explode to make room. Pretty sure that would end me. Don't seem right, how all the love always leads to dyin or at least some significant pain.

Bodies stop showing up at least, speaking of endin, but Galahger not say yet if them human or Reaver bodies. I can tell him, them humanm, but he not ask me. He say he put me in a cage. lookin round how fraid most folk is wif the killins in town, think most people already in cages.

Not me. I am wild. And I not feel sorry for myself.

-

Some things never change

2010-03-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Hale's Moon. Her name Lily and what you need, her can find for you.

Gallagher. Seana. Retrieved.

Cody. Retrieved.

Suki. Retrieved.

Bram. Retrieved.

Lilia. Retrieved.

and so it went, on and on, as Lily encountered the citizens and residents of Hale's Moon.

There was just one thing. The information was there alright. Well, most of it. And it was intact. Well, pretty much. Blue was pretty sophisticated and good at keeping his clusters together. There was just one difference.

The link connecting Lily to Blue was gone.

That meant any information she didn't have immediate access to in her own storages would have to be retrieved "later", at a time of Blue's choosing.

She closed her eyes. The image of the cub was there, soft and gentle as if it had always been there. But, mixed in that image, barely visible, yet unmistakeable, was the image of one Gallagher Aeon.

Had Blue allowed it to remain? Or had he placed it there? Or...the unthinkable, had Lily somehow managed to keep it despite Blue's best efforts?

That was something only time would reveal.

The Journey

2010-03-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

Lot of construction going on in the town, and many new businesses. The big tall houses is all done, and mostly filled up too. Nack open hims bar on Friday, in the abandoned mall, and there lot of folk.

Miss x0x0 tell this one set up a fair to welcome the newcomers, so this one did. Taked some pictures. This one first is some people waiting to fro little arrows into balloons. Them do this over and over, and gets prizes. Gallagher gived me all him prizes except the orange lolly. Him eated it and not even let me lick it.

But when it was my turn at the kissing boof, Gallagher was my first customer and him tasted like oranges. It ok for me to be in that boof for charity, and it not count like being close or wif you feet out in the open.

This a picture of this one at that boof.

In the background mans is racing cars. There is races. The new boy Bram maked the races.Cody came late to the fair and him come to the boof and stand there a long time, like, looking all funny and cute actually. Like boys look. Him say him would like to do the kissing boof and so to make sure it ok, this one ask him if it count, cause her not kissing no boys or gross things like that, Miss Seana say them puts them TONGUE in your mouf, and yes yes that true, this one seen Mister Thoth put him tongue in the mouf of Miss Gark when her was on the boof. That just too scary and besides, tongue is good to eat, so maybe not able to not bite it off. But Cody say it maybe don't count cause it the boof, and so him just about ready to give me the money and put him face up close when the alarm go off.

And, alarm go off cause it time to dedicate the park, which is in this picture, name of VOOM PARK. And so her go to dedicate it. Gallagher cut the ribbon and All the People say amen and nice fings and then...Captain Aeon FLY IN. It the most wonderful thing. Him getted to see us honour him in hims park. It was...just the mostest special thing ever, and then it start to rain.

Duncan say somefing about another trout, and him and Miss Calina walk around talking about mostly her drinking. Lily not know her gots a drinking problem. Or maybe that was Miss Svetlana. Hard to tell. For some reason the mind of this one not just putting things in the orders them go in. Small system failures.

Seana gots a baby katten hiding in her ship. I seen her take in milk and I hear it cry. Kattens is good for eating, and young ones very very tender. So this one aks her "why you keep that baby to yourself", and her acted all funny. Then Cody say "yes, that katten is what Lily mean" and then Seana say it for some man. No, this one not believe that. Maybe Miss Seana planning a big party and don't want to get a pet from the shop. Fine wif me, got lots of pets left. But..somfing about how that katten make little whine, Lily dig and dig at the door, cannot make stopping, it almost like desperate just to get to that one katten. When Miss Seana go out, her will try to get in fru the door. Why that Seana change the locks?

That new boy came to the kissing boof and paid his dues, and then say somefing like "oh . ..no..Cody'll ..." and just skidaddles off to the direction of the Wastelands. This one go in the fun house, which is really so scary you almost can pee, and suddenly that new boy was in there too. Real close like. Him just stare at her, and this one look at him and it something like, like when him in that boof, only not. Then Cody was there and that boy hided. Them is good friends, Cody and that boy Bram. Not sure why he hided. Look like some kind of cat what ated a bird actually.

Only two fings wrong wif the fair. One fing, remind her of that cub. Second fing, Mister Krenshar not even there at all. Maybe him come today back from visit to the other place, this one hope cause girls is cryin' not feel safe and the robots getting pushy to visitors.

Oh, and Miss x0x0 was at the boof for kissing and not gotted even one customer. Probably today her get a lot cause her in the dunk tank, and them can hit a ball and make her fall in the water and gets all wet. Like swimming. Only not.

Choices

2010-01-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

Some things there just no choice.

Aurora was not right. Her not the cub Lily spawn or fork, her corrupted. Not sure why or how but that just the truf.

The cub that call itself Aurora not the same as when it camed. Cub, , what say it name AuroraBlue, was light and Wise beyond it years. Beauty. Goodness. Pure. True. Very strong but gentle. But that what call itself Aurora was just bad.

Lily know what it plan to do. Her seen it in its lines and lines of code that now was each heart beat. It want to kill and destroy. And, it the one that can do it, too.

Try to warn all the people but no one listen. Only Cody listen. And now him here, at where this one came for The Hunt. Him been here a few days, saying things that not make sense. Until now.

There not any hunt. Aurora putted a book up there in my tower about "The Hunt", but it all just some story Miss Anna writed. Well, Miss Anna didn't write it but her gived the book to Aurora. This one not know Aurora been visiting that Miss Anna. This one promise Mister Niska that her not ever come around no more, but never said nuffing about Aurora. Hope Miss Anna not get in trouble but anyway that book....

There no hunt. Well, there was. Only...it what them calls a setup. Lily spend all that time wif them people what was there for the hunt, and then...when her least supposed to know, the Hunt start and

Lily the prey

That what the cub set up. For Lily to be the prey.

All them time that her ask about the Hunt, them all know what gonna happen.

But still they feeded and take care of this one. Then right at the end, two of them taked her...tie her up..but letter her go. Gived her cupcakes too. Her dance on them metal poles, eat cakes, get suckers. Them just nice and Lily like them. Even if them poison her to make her sleep. Them said it just to get her to safe place. They like me to. Them said to come back any time and them help this one.

Nuffing make any sense at all, but the cake nice and the candy good, and her gotted a little baf in a water that them girls had in them hiding place. Nice food, baf, them treat her like her special.

ALMOST TIME

Then it night time. Lily on her way back to her nest wif her new family. Air feel cool and this one looking forward to just sit and hear stories from the old ones. But on the way, when her almost home, one bad girl attack for no reason.

Her from my own place. That not make any sense, but her not stop. Follow me to the areana. I fight her. Say you no come to my home and push me. Her say her not want to fight me, but keep fighting me.

Then others come and fight. Then pretty soon it a big fight.

The fight go outside and get bigger. Then Lily put her foot on the neck of that bad girl. Had learned to fight good from new family, and wanted them be proud. Lily did good. Good girl. Make new family proud. Them say "this one all Lily's". All look very happy. Some looks sad, but figure maybe it just because them likes to fight and fight done. So Lily say her protect it, and everyone look very confused. 'Why you protect who hurted 'you', them say.

Well of course, it her job to service and protect. That what her do. The bad girl leave. Them all just look at me, and walk away. This one hear them talking "she can't just protect everyone...she just can't...this isn't right...what are we going to....."' and them them out of range even for this one to hear.
Now it starts

But then....we just standing....several hours later... Lily sense something...in the air. Something not feel right. Cody still say "Lily, you gots to come home wif me but I can't make you" and that right for sure. Him can't. Her already take him down twice in fight and put her foot on him neck.

But this time, something more urgent in him voice. Lily look at him, and then Lily hear the cry, cause her gots good ears. Not a cat, but gots good ears that something like cats ears.

"The Hunt is on." them call out. Lily feel excited, FINALLY the hunt, but still no one tell her what we is hunting. Then her hear them call out. "Lily to the death" them say. "I will make her my mate first" shout one. "Not if I get to her first" scream another. "She is good for food" say another. "No one said when we have to kill her" shouted another and then then laughed and her could hear the sound of running feet. And all the while them scream and yell and growl...and them sounds get closer and closer.

Her look at Cody. We hear the howl and cry of all them like reavers and animals. It like hell unleashed to come find this one. Hell opened by Aurora is what cross this ones mind. Cody seen them coming on the radar. Lily look and see them too. Many. And them all heading toward us. Still far away, but coming toward us. And fast. Look like hoarde, actually. Unstoppable.

Choices.

Lily not feel afraid. Know how to fight good. Them had trained even how to fight like them, and her was well armed. Miss Inxy said her the most challenge her ever see, and that her a good girl. Say her like to keep her actually, when it 'over'. Lily not sure what that mean, after the Hunt her plan to go home of course. Miss just nod and smile and say "We'll see, Little One".

But seeing then all come..and hearing what them was saying, suddenly it all just add up.

It was then at that exact moment then her realize what Cody saying was true.

Aurora make this all happen to end *me*.

Them coming to tear *this one* to pieces.

Choice. Gots to make a choice. Lily good fighting but not able to fight against them what her know was also friends. Also, Cody might get hurted, and that would be bad. Him nice. And, Lily quite like spend time wif hydrogen too. Her remember that.

So there a choice to make. Stay and fight, or go. Her looked at the ring on her hand and at the boy. Then her look at the radar. Then her look at the boy again. Wanted to stay and fight. But the choice had impact on more than just this one. Choice.

This one choose go wif Cody in him ship.

Lucky him got us out just in time. Wolves and Reavers and hungry people clawing even at door as we close it. Lily had to go back to get something her forgotted, Cody say no, but Lily cannot go wifout it, so try to go fast. Barely make it back in, Lily clawed up, Cody all scratch, but at least her gotted that golden coin her had buried in the dirt. Not want to leave it. It all that left of AuroraBlue.

Cody fly us home. Home. Lily thinked about Trermere, her new family, and then fall asleep and them lands at her Hale's Moon home. Hardly had remembered Hale Moon. But when we land, her remember just bit after bit and then her just rested. Seana make a big fuss, and make me lay on a machine and then say OK, I can go out. So this one go.

Cody go back to MacLaren Drift, and leave me alone. Used to be that was good. This time, felt sad. So much still to do. But ok.

Time to think. One day. Her miss Miss Inxy. A lot. And Queen Arwin. And Mister Nig. Her miss even naughty Miss Blaize who run away all the time to bad places, and Miss FreakySab and Miss Fay...Miss Lexistar....her think a lot, about how her miss them and how much nice them are to her and how her want to protect them. Grog and Mister Syth. Live in sewer and take Lily in and her bring them dead cats to eat. Sleep at Mister Grog house him gots two sleepings places. Swim too.

New friends too. Miss Vanilla and Miss Helga. Them taked her in bindings but letter her go after we talked. They said them help me, too. Very nice. All them fights each other but Lily gotted lot of friends on all them families land. Her love them actually, as much as can do wifout being organic and counting among the real.

Especially the BlueMan that live in the tube in the tall building. Him not ever talk but Lily go see him. Want to see him again. Maybe her can go back now that...well..now that it's over.

BROKEN????

And it over.

Last night, me and Cody move forward wif a plan to get the cub in a trap and end it. It want that ring Cody gots real bad, but him gots to give it, cub can't take it. That some kind of rule in the programming, some things you can take but some gots to be given.

Of course, him not going to do that, because then the cub gots everything it need and can put it together and let hell rain down ....but if it think him might, maybe it let down its guard just enough for Lily to do what gots to be done.

So him call it and say him want to see it. And it take the bait.

Cody go to its house and pretend to like it. It play some games, and then it go up and dance on a tree, and tell Cody to lay. Him lay and just wait to see what it does. Then it take off some fabric and lay on something like soft cushions. It invite him to go lay wif it.

Cody go and sit by it. Lily not like that very very much at all. Try not to hiss. Not want to give cub any warning.

Lily sneak in and hide under the stairway.

Then, it tell Cody to kiss it. Him lean in and kiss it. Hard and for a long time.

And when it gots its eyes closed, Lily sneak up and Cody know to roll off that cub, and him did, and so this one take one swing wif axe and cut off its head.

It not even see it coming.

Its eyes was closed and it was just like...motionless. Almost like it was waiting.

Choices.

It all happen very fast. It not like there any choice to do or not do. Had to do.

AS IT SHOULD BE

As this one swing that axe back to make the killing blow, her think of the faeries and AuroraBlue. The woman in front of her laying on the pillows was not AuroraBlue. Her knew AuroraBlue, and this not it. Seem like a very long time ago that her had organic days and that cub appear. Only really saw it for a few seconds, then when this one organics parts ended, just was in that tube. But for a moment, this one thinked of the faeries, and AuroraBlue, and she smiled slightly as she swung back the axe.

Then everything move in very slow motion for this one. As the axe cut through the air heading toward the cubs neck, this one thought of Gallagher and the four words her took to what her thought was her end. She would do it all over again, for that alone. The slight smile turned into a look of total focus as the blade swung down, and unlike most might, Lily did not close her eyes as the blade hit.

As the sharp metal began to slice through the cub's neck, Lily thought of Krenshar and how she had failed him. She thought of Aldea and how she had failed her. She thought of Mister Glaze and how he had saved her life, only to have her end up like this. It would have been better if...No. This was the right choice. This was as it should be. Here. Now.

All of it was still in slow motion as the blade cut through the flesh and bone, severing the head from the body. Her watched the head fall to one side, and then roll off the cushions onto the floor. The blood sprayed out covering both this one and Cody with the warm liquid end of that which never should have been.

In a way that it would take a thousand Blue cycles to begin to understand, and that he would never understand, Lily understood.

Now, everything was just as it should be. And just as it should have been.

AFTER

Then, everything began to move in real time again, and many people came in to clean up the mess and destroy the evidence. "Don't worry Lily. Its ok". She heard them but it was all something of a haze. Gallagher drove her to the main town, but Seana was sleeping.

Lily stood and watched Seana sleep for a long time. It was just the right thing to do. Then her went to her tower, closed all of the windows, and opened a locked drawer. Taking out a small pink book, her opened it up to a page that had been turned to many times before. A little blonde lock of hair. AuroraBlue.

Funny thing now, all her wants to do is stroke hair in the little book. Had never touched it before, must look at it. It so pretty. Shiny. Saved that hair. From when AuroraBlue first came. Remember waking up in the tube in the mine, and still holding that hair. It in a book in my tower. Sometimes when her was feeling sad, her had look at that hair and felt like the rain was falling and her was fishing and the sun was shining and she could smell oranges.

Now, all her want to do is sit and touch it. So she did.

Her sit all night in fact, just stroke that hair lock and then her remember what her had buried and gone back to get at the Hunt - so her took it out of her little velvet bag, and utted that gold coin in wif the hair.

Then her close it up, that book. Putted it back where it gets hided wif special things.

Then her go outside and look around.

"Welcome to Hales Moon", Lily say to no one in particular. "Her name Lily. L i l y".

.

Barely make it out alive. But we did.

hide and sneak

2010-01-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

Some girl try to hit me with some sharp sticks.

So, run run run to a safe place for hiding. No Miss Inxy. Nuffing. Just hide.

In two days, her gots to start looking for Miss Inxy. Nestmaking to be done.

And sumfing bad happen. This one see the cub. Aurora. Talking to that girl with the sticks.

Aurora all tall and mean. Like a devil.

Lily want to go home. Wif Krenshar. and Miss Seana. and Mister Nack. and Tarlek.

and Gallagher. and Miss Jai.

and Cody. Probably him forget about Lily by now.

Organics not always the best at remembering.

Ouch

2010-01-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

Well. Miss Inxy not around for two days. Maybe her gotted that cub. But, Lily got place for it, so hope not cause it just be sad to have it appear not in a nice nest. AuroraBlue had a nice nest. Lily maked it. Gallagher help. AuroraBlue such a sweet cub. Really sweet.

Too bad it go broken.

Keep thinking about this. It went crazy when it no more had Blue. Blue go where the necklace go. And it no more had Blue cause this one needed necklace. So AuroraBlue just pick it up, and Blue happy when her do it, and next thing you know, Lily all strong and right.

But that when AuroraBlue get broken, actually. Aurora, wifout Blue, that Aurora....start to be mean. Try to trap me wif Blue, try all kind of things. Try to marry Blue even. Just like, a mad thing it was.

All because her gived me that what I needed.

AuroraBlue loved me too.

That one was perfect. Lily never feel more alive than when her die to let AuroraBlue be. But now, AuroraBlue gone, and Lily here, and...things just not right. AuroraBlue was perfect. And cute too. And sweet. Not all changeling and reading and snapping like Aurora.

Aurora is very bad. Aurora is AuroraBlue only wifout Blue and gots NO soul. That mean coin.

Dream about that cub all the time. Miss Brooke gots her cubs. Lily..gots nuffing, just bad mean Aurora that bite and hate me. Well, LilyBell Snoodle hate Aurora LittleBoots too. Cause her killed my AuroraBlue. It all that left, anyway.

There a new thing written in programming just accessible, say 'perfect love cast out fear'. . Maybe AuroraBlue had that, perfect kind of love. Wifout it, though, just a bad cub.

And to make things worse, some mean girl chase me last night screaming "the kill is mine" and her HURTED me. This one ran fast and hided in bushes, or maybe would have had to end that girl. It was not very fast, but, Lily thinked hunt was over. Guess it not. Only, well, it so unusual, cause that girl hunting *me*.

Hope I find Miss Inxy today. Something not right. Oh, and Cody spy on me and I hide. He is very handsome boy for sure. Nice to see him even though him promise not to make me not go, or to stop me. But, him not trying to stop me, just go place to place. Not sure why him hear actually. I seen him in one place and try to talk to him but him just cower and look all funny at me like him not even know me.

Oh, and I joined up wifh Miss Inxy family. Not sure what that mean but my name now LilyBell Snoodle, Wicked Justice. That funny. Justice is good. Not bad. Silly but Miss Inxy like it. Lily like Miss Inxy. Just wonder where her and them cubs is at. Hope them ok. Pretty cold here for growing anything, and not sure if it even warm enough for faeries to survive. Hope everything ok.

The Big Bad Wolf

2010-01-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

Well. Miss Inxy say that there going to be *several* hunts, and also that Inxy's cub be here any day. Lily ask if it time to get the sticks and leaves to make the nice nest, or maybe in a hole in rock, not sure. Miss say her got a big pumpkin for sure.

Them all gots lot of cubs and all that here you think they would know how they got them. But NO. When her ask about where the faeries is here, them not have no idea in the 'Verse what her talking about. So, again, her had to explain. First , not pumpkin. There NUFFING in pumpkins but seed and some like, orange meet. NO CUB. Second stork - that just a made up story. Miss x0x0 say her kill that damn bird if it fly near her, but her not kill it and it come and get me! It chase me. But not gots no cub. The artie fish oil from the salmon nation, yes maybe it gets cubs but Gallagher say him not willing to give it to me. And so that leave the faeries, which is after all true because Lily see them when AuroraBlue got here.

Lily not say often or much but...that AuroraBlue sure a pretty little cub. Sweet. Loving. Lily very very proud of AuroraBlue. Something noble about that cub. Special. But it change, get mean. Not even like the same cub. Just..horrible.

Lily miss AuroraBlue. That cub really a joy. We had tower in Blackburne and we run together in the lands, and...there just nuffing like it. We sitted with Krenshar and it was like we..just..it just perfect. It wear Gallagher fabrics. It...it really was perfect world. AuroraBlue. Her maked everything be like, new. Shiny. At the same time, it like forever.

But..that was then. This now.

AuroraBlue ain't no more, now it just Aurora. Blue came back and fix Lily to not be in the tank. Now him off on his own. Everything broken.

Most of all, me. Had a bad cub. Lily a bad girl. Bad. Badder than the big bad wolf. You know, the one that try to eat that cookies from the red riding hooded one. Huff and puff and blow them pig house down. Not all wolves is bad. Genra gots one and it not bad, also Duncan gots one, and it not bad. Mindo put some thing of wolf in this one's 'programming' not sure how but when them around, her just want to run and feel happy.

But her bad. Just look at cub to see that.

Miss Inxy say Lily good, and every day her do check to make sure the females in this place is covered up, and make sure no bad mans around. Them use this one to hide and sneak, help in game them plays with something like Reavers them likes to hunt. It not my turn to hunt yet.

Miss Inxy say soon. But probably it after that cub of Miss Inxy arrives. Cubs gots a way of changing everything.

Movie Night at the Hunt

2010-01-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

"He talks of wine and women as a prelude to the hunt. We barbarians know that it is after the chase, and then only, that man revels. You know the saying of the Ogandi chieftains: "Hunt first the enemy, then the woman." It is the natural instinct. The blood is quickened by the kill. One passion builds upon another. Kill, then love! When you have known that, you have known ecstasy."
— Count Zaroff

Dear Diary,

They watched a story on the news. Wanted to go to but it not for this one, they said. But, her seen a picture and taked a picture of it for my book. When home, maybe Miss Seana can find it in them newses her gots and we can see it. Sure must be good cause them all screaming and yelling and when them come out, all went for more drinking. This one wanted to go to that party but not allowed. This make two days her not able to go do thing wif them but, for sure pretty soon it start.

Not sure what them all meaned when they was talking about the final payment to someone wif same name as Aurora. Thinking someone new moved to the Hale Moon cause them was talking about flying there too. Two people name Aurora on same land, that funny. Only the one them paying not very nice, because them said it was something like secret that nobody could know, and secrets not good if nobody know. Somebody got to know, or it not even a secret. Cause if no body know, then there nuffing to say.

Only one thing this one wishes. Wishes had remembered to bring that book about The Hunt. Never got to finish of it, and it in my tower. So checking all the things on the list before traveling was as far as her gotted. Actually don't know what we will be hunting.

But it must be important, because there sure a lot of people here from all over.

The Hunt...

2010-01-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

not started yet. Her still wif Miss Inxy, and it more comfortable than what was in that readings about the hunt, but Miss say that soon it not be quite as luxuried. Every day new peoples come by to visit and meet me and they all are nice and them say "her look like a challenge" or "you'll be lucky to keep that one", but it not so challenge. Miss Inxy pick me to be wif her for the hunt and this one not going ANYWHERE wif nobody else.

We going to play a game soon, to get ready, something like practice. It like hide and sneak. Lily hide and Miss Inxy find. And we gets to do it over a lot of land, and then we feasts. Miss Inxy say it a good practice for the actual Hunt.

Nobody say nuffing about mates, so this one is guessing that most of them that is gathering already has mated, so Lily not have to worry much about that, which is good cause Cody waiting at the Christmas House.

There a very nice radio here that hear all kind of news. So, all in all, Lily happy and almost ready for the Hunt, and then her really be...like, well, after you in the Hunt, you gets to rest and feast.

Only thing, her eat so much put on some extra to carry, maybe 15 pounds. Them just feed her all the time and say fatten her up. Maybe that good, cause her pretty skinny. Hope it not make her slower. Want to keep up wif the others.

Thinking about Miss Doctor Belize this Hunt, not sure why. Just miss her. Miss Mister Sig too. Mister Glaze, not so much. And Gallagher most of all.

And then there is Krenshar. There a song on radio and so her catched it, and put it on here. Him is my friend, and this one will do whatever it take to keep him safe. And then that reminds me of the cub. After this hunt, it going to take a long walk off a short pier.

But first, the hunt. Not sure how it will be, them taked all the weapons and said her get them back along the way. Not sure how that work. Her keeped one though, them not know about it, and well..it special. Positronically special.

Love, LilyBell Snoodle Diary Entry from The Hunt

Contact

2009-12-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Lily has hided for some days, watching, and today her seen a big gathering of people dressed like them want to hunt, so her camed out and talk to them. All very nice.

Them say yes, this the hunt and that them gonna hunt her cause her not like them. So this one told them that not how it go, and explain about the hunting and maybe gets a mate, and that her not really want one cause gots a hydrogen wif Cody back at her moon, and that really just want to hide and sneak and play in the Hunt so her can be good enough to be considered more mature, you know...and the lady just stare at her, the man laugh and then that lady say "I think that sounds delightful....I will keep you wif me". So Lily gots a partner for the hunt.

Turns out, the Alliance even come here. That lady say they need some for defending the place, and Lily ask if Alliance comes there, and her say 'yes of a sort, I suppose'. so Lily say her help defend. Can shoot, claw, hide and sneak. Killed eleven Alliance the first time, wif just hands, and when them hear that, get all excited ...not sure why, but say it make for good ...not sure what actually. Them talk to each other.

But then the lady take me to pee, and gots a place for a while, until one week, and then it start. Lily going to get ready, baffed, and hair up and sharpen claws and swords, and sharpen knifes and make sure there lot of ammo buried and also in sockies....and some poison for arrows. It exciting.

Her sent wave to Cody and Seana bof, and so them know her ok.

Oh, and got some new fabrics for hunt. Lady say her gots to wear some different 'thing' for this hunt, so get that tomorrow too. It name CCS and it something like a collar, only not. It let you fight in them land. Not sure what we hunting exactly but the lady seem like her in charge and all the people smiling and look at her and all seem happy. So her my partner or something like that, and her name Inxy.

Hunt

2009-12-14T05:37:00.001-08:00

A lot has happened as her try to get ready for hunt. Aurora getting stronger, and Caliban burn down from Alliance. Miss Charly and Mister Faulkin runned off at the same time. Some new mans came, one is nice and gived candy AND pets. One just gived candy.

Miss x0x0 gived away half the land her had purchased, and all them replicants and their friends living there, including Miya and Thoth. Thoth still not like mutants, him thinks Lily don't know but her do know. And Miya...not sure what to think. Her nice, but...something not right sometimes. Like, her like Lily but not like its "kind", if that make any sense.

Lot of people trying to find where somebody her won't name gots a special safe place, name of Sanctuary, and some did find it, but well it move. So them not really know much about it. Miss Mikie was hiding up there, and her was quite sick. Look like Miss x0x0 putted her there to be safe, not sure how that happen - just, it went to Londininiumium and next thing, Miss Mikie up there in the safety place. Then lot of people all buzzing around try to find her and some old guy was there, him was asleep the whole time. Not sure where it went, too - they putted him in the church, but when this one go back to look, nuffing there.

BlueSun call me in for working on train system again. Thought them was going to wait but no, they gots some factory going in and said them need 'stuff' transported. So, at least got some work to make coin before the Hunt.

Not that coin do any good on the hunt. Nuffing you can buy wif money there. Only with running fast, and hiding good. There three parts to the hunt. First is the fight to get in. It not so bad, everyone gots to fight, and the one that win gets in. It is chosen, like, the old ones pick the one they want to fight and us just do our best. Some says they lets all in, the fight just to 'test' us. Lily not had to do the fight last year. Hope them let her do it this year. Last year just got to watch and then hunt meat, but not really go on the big hunt.

After the fight to see if you get in, then is the running. Them runs a long way and bad things along the way, but if you makes it to camp then you get to start next part.

That the part where everyone get partnered off with potential mate, and it like a 'team' and them go hunt for meat, weak prey, things the tribe need. The tribe need things like water, rope, meat, any kind of maps, and especially weak ones that got potential to serve. We not to kill anything unless is fightworthy and we kills it in battle after it attacks us, or unless it too weak to fight. Means, we just defends ourselves, not attack. Just get things and make a mark where we was. That mean we gots to pee on trees and sand and things.

When we bring in what we finded, whoever left alive make the circle and puts them things in it, and then the old ones takes what them want, and then we get what left and fight to keep it. Sometimes they take one of the new for the tribe and them stay, like, be mate wif old one. The partner Lily gots last year got keeped by the old ones. Him was nice, and not want to stay, but not gots a choice once you start the hunt. You finish one way or another.

If luck wif me, and Duncan say 'stay lucky' so her know her gots luck, her will return home wif lot of meat, and new things and most of all knowledge her could run wif what is something like some part of her. Too bad Mindo not along the way. Could bring him to the circle. No one want him for sure, so then him come back wif me, and I give him back to him sister. She write about him in a notebook every day, make a little mark. Not sure why.

Cody say the cub really pester him for something. And, him used a really big word. Not sure what it meant but not want to ask. Him look older than when her meeted him first. Also, Sentry look older - everybody look what them call 'older'. Lily growed up too. Look older than in her photos. But still not growed up. Her remember Mindo tell her that her not gets to grow up, and that it all x0x0 fault. x0x0 looking nicer, softer, and spend a lot of time wif robots. Guess next to robots, her look more 'nice' or sweeter but...truf is, her could make them robots parts fall flyin in the air. Lily seen her do it to one boy. Just say something that make no sense and next thing you know, boy is laying on the floor holding him side. Not even see her move.

Miss Imrhien still out in the black. Td and Miss Opine too. Sabrina around but pre-occuplied and Miss Seana really think more about what best for the cub. Not listen to me. Best for the cub is for cub to end. When finish with Mister Wind, cub next in line. Krenshar probably be really mad but something inside making her to 'fix' it, and only fix is to end it. No one listen.

Oh, and Miss x0x0 gots Blue locked up! It a secret, but Lily seen him all not able to move. Only, think he probably could if him wanted to. There a sign that say 'compliments of Aurora' around him neck. Not sure what that mean. But him in there in her lab, in some kind of 'mush' and gots a sign. Him not talk to me when I go. Look almost like him freezed.

And finally, I, Lily Snoodle, hissed at Gallagher. Not like him. Ignore me, always busy, doing secret things wif him friends in the Dharma. Him...doing more and more, and more and more not really gots time for this one cause it not real. It like that book about the bunny. Lily more like Velveteen Rabbit than cat. Not a cat for sure. And everyone know at the end, the rabbit not gots its boy any more. Damn books. Maybe them should be burned up like other fings that gets on fire.

So, before hunt start, her going to playground of Hale Moon and swing and slide and run and flip, and then skate on the ice. Swim and sit in the bit square and sit in the bubbles. You just push a button and it make bubbles. It really fun. Then say goodbye to Vincent. Then go. Not many days left. Hope someone around to play wif. Well, not cub, but anyone else. Maybe her take Sam and the baby. Them not play though. Just wiggle.

Cody

2009-11-20T06:47:00.000-08:00

Cody is a boy.

I writed in you about him earlier, about the ring and how her melted coin to make it, and how him made one for her, and ask Seana about if he could see me in a steady state.

Him gots what you might call rather accident prone nature. Him accidentally walk into fists, bullets, knifes, and trouble. Always rushing in to try to help someone in trouble too. And usually end up getting hurt.

Well this time him gotted hurt - you know, when her gotted him from the bad mans ship. We was in the salt water where we ditch..well, where her ditch...and him swim to shore, leaving trail of red in the water. Know him safe with Cap'n Duncan, so her salvage what her can out of ship and make it to them. We fly back.

But, him gotted hurt and had not telled, and so when we was back, it gotted clear that a surgical procedure to take out some bullet or something..maybe bone...was needed. Lily finded him, with Miss Emberzzz and Cursa, in the church where her lefted him.

Well it was a big shock to say the least to see Miss Emberzzz holding onto him hand, and putting her hand on him chest. Then bending over him looking in him eyes. And then her thank *me* for helping him. Told her not have to thank, it my job. Not sure why her would thank me anyway, it just feeled funny. I like Miss Emberzzz, but not how her was holding on Cody hand. Mostly, not like how her not move herself out the way so Lily can hold. That my job. Touch.

Anyway she goed away, and then I help Cursa do operation. His hands move SO fast. Did i write this before? Never see nothing like it. Just close eyes and...like, hands do it on them own. Cody gots my blood now, too. Had to. We runned out. Hope the nanites not hurt him. Pretty much them inactive, but worst case them just suck up the metal. Maybe that a good thing ultimately.

So, after surgery Lily carry him back to tower, and him sleeped. Next day, him well enough to go for walk. Well, her maked him. And that night him sleeped in boarding house. Easier than carry up the stairs to tower for sure. It was cold in there. Lily maked a fire in her fire pot and moved some towels and water for him, but by the time that was all done, him still look cold so her just stay there. Make sure blanket all around him real good, too, snuggie, and gived him her first and best cuddle doll, and him helded onto it. Lily make a nest on top of blanket, for warmth of that boy, and sleep. Waked up early, him sleeping ok, so went out to do her things.

Finally him waked up. Said he sleeped hard. Lily think sleep very soft. But him say it hard, and gets bad dreams. Him had one of them in tower, actually. Ghosts. That what he said. Ghosts. So, it late but we decide to MacLaren and see what going on.

Well, right away, he hears Brooke somewhere wif her husband, named Tee, and cause Tee not everyone friend now, Cody all ready to go rescue. Then a rich old man came to hire security. Lily ask about it but them ignore her. Then Dex scritch her ears and also WillieB camed. By this time Cody all mad and out flying around, which is not good cause him on them pains drug, but hey, Lily not his nuffin. Him not listen.

WillieB Listen. Say him like my tail. That remind me, got to find what Miss Opine maked for me. Gotted a space for tail. It almost time to go for the hunt. This her second year. I wonder how many of us there will be.

But about Cody. He is very nice and dress clean. Got good grooming. Just wish him was not so stubborn. And now him say him gots to go Blackburne for what his Daddy leaved from before the Reavers came. Blackburne. What him not know is sometimes her go there and just sit in the quiet. It not a place he really should go. Not at all.

Oh, them Reavers gone. But what they left is worse. Maybe I gots to wif him to keep him safe. Or else get him not go. Or at least not take the Firefly. It remind them whats left of Mister Nack, and that...sure to set them off.

This is how it goes...a retrospective

2009-11-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

You can't take the sky from me....

If you listening that is what the man says. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me...and that how it is. There no other place her can be except wif Browncoats. This family.

Upside Down

And it make her happy. When her finded Mister Nack and Miss Laur and Miss Lorie and even Miss x0x0 in the Waste and live in shelter when no one there. Meeted so many people. Her can feel a change in everything, and as the surface break,reflections fade but in some ways remain the same. Her come alive. Start awaking. Curious.

I wanna turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found...

That how it was for months and months and months. Learning. Learn from everyone. Words, how them connect, what them make people do. Her learn things not always just as they seem.

I wanna turn the whole world upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found....

Then one day try to visit some place and them not let her in. Not strictly "human".
Well, was good enough for Miss Anna Niska to want for special companion, even if Mister say "NO." But them say 'not welcome here'...and then her understand. Lily not real.

Better as a Memory

Cry a lot. Tired of being. Then meet Mister Glaze. Treat her like her, well, Real. Run, jump, hunt, fight Alliance, and Reavers. OK, so him not run as fast, or jump as high, or hunt as good...and maye not so good at fighting for human, him pretty good. And him not care that her raised by Catscratch.

What happen, Lily learn the sound of him voice. And become real.

Friend.

But time came him to go.

Her try to tell herself that him gone, but though him still wif her, her still alone all along. Maybe never was Real.

Who can say.

Now, gots some memories, books, letters, papers, photos, and a gold ring. Still not dream. Still keep light in window, no matter where her move. One day, her gonna blow that damn candle out for sure.

Still..him say it well. Him better as a memory. Like Miss Seana say, him a man and Lily not growed up. Maybe look sometimes, 'specially when dressed up good but..truf is, when him was here, her still not even yet know what is make them organics pair off. Better to hunt alone, faster and safer.

"I see you leaning...You bound to fall...I don't want to be that mistake...
I'm just a dreamer...nothing more...you should know it before it gets too late.
Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First your spinnin then you're sittin still..

One day you gonna find someone, right away you know its true
That all of your seekins done, just a part of the passing thru
Right at that moment, you understand, I was better as a memory than as your man".

Then her met Ben.

Breakin the law. & Criminal
Finded him lost and wandering in Blackburne. Not sure how it happen, but we had lot of fun, and him like excitement and fly fast.

So, we fly fast.
We ran and robbed and rided and had fun. Him taked me to be bounty hunter wif him. Seana not like that very much.

But looking back, think it was probably good tiing. Lily bored and settin fires when her meeted Ben BigBoots. Breaking windows in town, running wild at night killing mice or anyfing really. We rob some stores, fly lot of places.

Then him met a Bounty Hunter who was grown up.

Feel as though nobody care if her live or die so her may as well put some action in her life....Frantic frantic..so much for the golden future...Aylen, Awenasa. Oh yes, him take her to find Blue and all that. An that good. And, girl him meeted that was grown up, her very nice too. But one her came to work for us, things changed.

Lily got video feed of them. Dancing.

Breaking the Law. Breaking the Law.

But it ok. Cause him had got her to the Blue.

Blue
Blue....the one for who her soul longs, if only her had one. Soul that is. Only real people got souls. Lily organically seeded but not sure if that means her got soul somewhere or if it only go to the cub...

Blue.

Now her everywhere again. Still gots not all the dreams.

Every body say hell the hippest way to go, her not really think so, but will take a look around it for...Blue......her love you....here is a shell for you..inside you'll hear a sigh...a foggy lullabye....there is your song...from me.....

In my daughters eyes

She was sent to rescue me. Not just me. Everybody. Well, maybe not everybody.
Took three days to get her. Three days and four words.

Metamorphasis Five

But things not go as them supposed to. Things happen.

These things do happen.

Broken Vow

Krenshar. Him leaved. We was the best friends. Could have made him stay. But him say him got to fix things. Now, nobody really listen or hear.

Tell me the words I never said.
Show me the tears you never shed.

I let you go, I let you fly, Why do I keep on asking why...

I let you go, I let you fly, now that I know, I'm asking why
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep somehow....

More than a broken vow.

That ok. Him gots a happy on him new moon. Take good care of Aurora. Lily busy making a nest. We can still be friends. Just cause someone go away don't mean them not your friend, not if you really friends. Him like her just like her is. That mean not gots to be growed up, or fancy, or even make meatsticks. After all, him not need food either. Now her not sad any more that him go. Actually it give her time to think about past days..

And it always been here. Her just not see it. It so clear.

Inaudible Melodies

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.

Maybe this is how its 'sposed to be...

Like a film. Maybe it's up with the stars. Maybe it's under the sea.
Maybe its not very far. Maybe this is how its 'sposed to be.
Maybe this is how its 'sposed to be.

Maybe its trapped in a jar. Something we've already seen.
Maybe its no where at all. Maybe this is how its 'sposed to be.
Maybe this is how its 'sposed to be.

Lookin forwards, we rewind
Looking back is a trap sometime
Being here is so easy to do.

If you want to, if you want to, if you want to, if you want to, if you want to

Be

Why didn't her see it before?

Better Together

Gallagher

Dreaming

2009-11-18T08:09:00.001-08:00

Lot of things has happened.

Cody got shotted by a man. The man's friend is really nice to Lily. Her so confused. Him just nice. Not betray. Not shoot. Lily so confused.

Cursa operated on Cody and Lily help.

Cursa gots good hands. And hims mind is very, very clean. If Lily ever get sick and not self-repair, for sure what Cursa be her doctor.

Cody sleeping now in her tower.

Thinking a lot about dreams. Cody waked up in the night and said him had bad dreams. Lily gots lots of dreams - Mister Cobb, Mister Glaze, Mister Xzander, Cap'n Aeon, Miss Imrhien, Miss Mikie, Ben. ....wonder why Ben not a Mister. Hmm. Actually Genra not a Mister. and Gallagher not a Mister. And Cody.

Only some dreams her not gots. Gallagher's, Cody's, Mister Sentry, Mister Pod, Mister Nack. It just feel wrong to take them, even though it her job. Just can't. No, just won't.

'specially Mister Pod.

and 'specially Mister Krenshar. well, him not gots any, like me. But there 117 to get, and her gots 100, and some of them is starting to glow nice and move.

oh, and her stole Mister Winds fuel cell to trade. Not break in him ship. Not break NO lock or open no doors. No breaking and entering. Climb thru space at top of door. Got pictures to prove. Not take him dreams though. Not time yet.

Mister Cobb always lingering around in her mind. Guess maybe him the first organic man ever say would miss her if him lost her. Not that him had her. Meaning, her not 'haveable' except Miss Seana gots her cause adoption and all.

And of course Gallagher. Gallagher funny. Silly.

So today her made recordings in an order, of what life has been like since her came first to Blackburne, then move Hales. You can listen. Her tell you about them in the order them come.

Oh, and Miss Ardra? Lily still gots her. Not sure who out there pretending be her, but for sure, her in my head. Want to let her go into some new place so her can run and jump. But....gots to be the right one. And so far, only option been Miss Jai and well, her just so .....already know too much. Not need to know things 'faster' .

Steady

2009-11-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

Access Steady.

Steady state theory. A theory in Astronomy. The Universe has always existed and has always been expanding with hydrogen being created constantly.

Cody ask Miss Seana if him can make hydrogen wif me, and her said wif some conditions yes.

That kind of strange, since there already is lot of this hydrogen everywhere. But, maybe it make some sense . Will continue to access data files. Hydrogen is simplest and lightest of all elements used in various form of synthesis. Lily synthetic so maybe it make sense.

Didn't know him was a chemist, though.

Still, Seana said probably a good idea, since Lily accept a job to fly Ravienn, if her gots someone to look after her. Actually said that she knows this one can look after herself just fine, but that it give her a peace of mind to know she can call on someone reliable to look after this one's best interests.

It always that, actually. That is why her gotted parents in the first place. To look after her interests. They all say that Lily is not quite 'right', but I think Lily just fine and dandy like Christmas candy thank you very much.

Love to hide and sneak. Played yesterday wif Kitten but then something happen and I falled asleep. Waked up, there was Mister Pod. Him sure smelling nice. Always do. That man a real man you know? Could cut you thoat in the sleep and not get blood on him own hands, for sure.
Chomp chomp.

Best dressed man in the verse. Too bad about him secrets. Probably someone find out someday and that be that for him, although maybe he can talk him way out of it. Him is a very good talker. And....next to Griffen, him gots the nicest hair.

Well, Griffen hair not so nice any more. All fancy now. Probably maked it fancy for girls. Not sure why boys don't know what girls likes. Then again, maybe Lily not like the same things, probably that it.

But her was trying to think about steady states.

Her listened to Cody talk to Seana and then asked questions.

"Do it mean we walk in the desert together? " Him said yes. "Do it mean we ride on some motorcycle if you gots one". Again, yes. "Do it mean we eat oranges together?"

Seana just look at me and not answer. Cody say "yes".

"Do it mean you take pictures of me and I gots pictures of you", and him say "yes". "Do it mean we walk in the snow together?" Yes", him say. "Do it mean when I sad, you try to lift me and when you hurt, I try to heal you?".

Boy says "yes, yes, that's it. That is exactly it".

"Does it mean we dances together? That her think of you when her wake up and go to sleep? That her want to bring you pretty shiny things and not let nobody hurt you. That if we falls asleep it am safe and nobody do nuffin them not supposed to do and it just...like home?"

Him say "yes Lily. it does". And then him smiled. Smiles the biggest smile probably her ever seen on any face, ever. It lighted him up from the inside.

Boy not see this one looking out the window, and for some reason, there was that salty water on fur again. That boy "yessing" what it am to make hydrogen.

Lily describing what it am to know Gallagher.

"Ok, ok, I understand" I say at Cody "her know what you mean, ok", and then ask him go wif him sister to Fook to wait and I will come in some short minutes.

He go, and Lily sit wif Seana.

Seana know wifhout saying any words, but then her say who do you feel that way about Lily?
Lily say "Lily not gots feelings..but...well, do them things and..well..who do you think".

Seana answer one sentence only. "I think he smokes too much".

We bof know. And agree not say ever a word about it again.

Lily go make hydrogen wif Cody.

Seana say love can expand to fill a need. Don't know about that. Maybe it speak from its own experiences. But...Lily not want to fill nuffing until Blue say the words. And then, it not gonna be love, it gonna be 0s and 1s and everything be ok again. Just like before. Just as it should have been. Just as it will be.

Maybe hydrogen a good idea after all.

Two Weddings and a Funeral

2009-11-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

First date. Ever.

Him showed up all dress up, nice, and we find Seana and Seana say 'ok, have fun' and we go OFFWORLD to the wedding of Miss Charly and some man, name Grey. Don't really know that man, but...well, him say some really romantic things to that one at the Wedding House - and, him also dance wif ME at the wedding, so now her gots *another* one to take care of.

All husbands for this one. You know, say the magic words wif the Shepherd, then dance. Only one her not gotted to husband up wif that was supposed to is Cap'n Duncan. Him just went off somewhere, but that not unusual. Maybe we still get married later. If not, well, him still gots me by him side you know, to help him keep track of justice and such.

But thinking, first marry Cap'n Aeon Voom, that was a very special day. First party her EVER go and her dance at that wedding wif Cobb Compton. So that first two mans. But, then him say we not, and guess that right, cause we didn't say the magic words and then dance.

You see, wif Cap'n Aeon her not actually invited to wedding so her couldn't say words first. Then later Cobb marry Miss Mikie. Lily go to that wedding, still try to marry Mister Cobb again, but it was very hard. Was sick in bed from Reaver bite on Blackburne, and someone say 'Cobb gettin hitched' so Lily drag herself up to watch, send them the best wishes and pledge to take care of the Mikie because now her married to Cobb. But, Lily not dance at that one because her too sick. So not really married to them either. Her did get him dreams, but that a secret. Hmm. Actually that when him changed and go crazy.

Maybe organics can't live wifout dreams.

Then Krenshar almost get married but not, so her can't say them words or dance, and now Miss Charly gots married, and Lily hear them words, but so busy listening that her not repeat them. So even though her danced with Mister's Grey, Faulkin and that boy , things still not done in the right order.

Still, this closest her gots to being wif a family, so as far as concerned here, gots new husband and wife, named Grey and Charly.

Mister Faulkin was a right fine gentleman too. AND him said him definitely take Lily on another date. Well, that up to Seana.

Also that boy was there. Dance wif him too. Lily try to make him promise to not say nuffing special, actually, him gots that look in him face that them gets.

The look them gets before they go away.

You know, where them say them gots "feelings" and then them try to capture you and put you in some kind of cage, and then when you say ok, they lock you in and leave. And them never come back. So you carry cages around wif you forever, hoping them unlock and let you out but them not. Them just gone. Eventually you forget you in a cage, but it always there.

Lily been in a cage since long time. Her putted herself in it, actually. Try to get out sometimes but...it just better stay in. Nobody else can come in. Key well hidden.

R E A L

2009-11-05T06:26:00.001-08:00

This is Cody.

Well. To make long story short, her maked a plan to break into Caliban wif Cody and blow up that dome and Krenshar and make all that bad stop - and her succeeded.

Ok, ok. We not blow it up. But the bad stop. And that what matter.

Ok. ok. So we got putted in a jail room. Miss Miya and Mister Thoth seem awfully fast to call for us to be punish too, call us terrorists. Seem them not like mutants to mix wif humans. Lily not really actual full mutant, you know. Just some from Wastes, only a little. Mostly just synthetic. Wonder if that a problem for them as well. Not matter. Her not a cat. That what matter.

Ok. ok. So we not really break in. Jai take us and turn is us in, but we wanted her to so we can get in. Her gotted money. Pretended to be married wif Cody too, and getting a cub. It not a lie. We was getting one. Just her not know where yet. And we did get married. Just, it not really legal. So to say we gotted married and getting a cub is true. Lily not able to lie.

And then that one say "Lily you no steal another cub".

But guess what? Found one on the island where the whores lives and maybe that not count, it more like 'rescue'. Well..maybe..but not now.

This is what happened - everything go not quite right. Oh, we in that cell waiting to try to blow up that place so no more bad can happen. But...then Alliance came for Krenshar and him not gots what they want. And him realise if they see Cody, they take him for sure.

What happen next - Lily just cannot believe her eyes and four ears! Krenshar gived himself to Alliance cause him thinked it the only way to save Cody. Only, Lily breaking us out at the same time cause Miss Jai gived us the necklace and Lily gots him necklace, and her necklace, and bracelets, got all of us. So maked big glowing and Cody can run..and him did.

So Krenshar gived himself up for nuffing, and Cody runned away and Lily just sick. Oh, and later it seem Aurora got taked in the ruckus. But that not important. It bad cub anyway, hope they sell it way up the river.

Ok. ok. Truf is it hurted when Krenshar taked off them things and Lily not really work so good, can't get up. But Miss JJ fix it all. Her nice.

Now, Lily am Captain of the Ravienn.

Ok. ok. Not really Captain. But Captain ask her to be pilot and her say "okie dokey".

Gots a new brown coat and special radio too.

Gots everything except real. And Miss redfur been threatening Cody about that even. Not sure what that means. Seana all cold and like, quiet, talking quiet to Sabrina and General. Probably something about that cub. Everybody so concern about that cub.

Not me. I, Lily, am not concerned about nobody or nuffin. Just...the cub look cute when it curled up. And, smell good too.

In the Wilds of the Drift

2009-10-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ok. Here the deal. The just truff.

Krenshar taked Aurora, cutted her up and sold her out to the Alliance. He planted her and growed her new parts, and sold her for coin.

Judas.

Him betray Lily. Not give her NOTHING of any share of what him gots.

Also, when her see the cub like that...well, not sure why but something 'happen' and..Lily just go crazy and take the jars and run.

Been hiding over a week now wif the jars full of cub. In the rhyme, them says 'all the king horses and all the king men cant put humpty bumpty together again'. Maybe Mindo can put Aurora back. Ok, ok, Lily not like her very well. But Lily not like Alliance more than not like the cub, and not want them to have it.

It like this. Lily decide ok, time to end that Replicant, so her put on Alliance suit her gotted for someone else, and go to find him. Big party for Mister Thoth, but Lily too late, and Krenshar gone. Oh. Mister Cody comed wif me. Him take nice care lately.

Very..different from boys her know who likes fancy.

But anyway we getted in, Lily go in the secret way and we not find that Krenshar cause him gone. But Lily get into the lab doors and get into hims computer and read all them things. Take some cards, in case we need them.

Then me and Mister Cody set Krenshar's lab on fire, and burn up all him work.

and see a girl sitting where Krenshar had them jars. Maybe her guarding, so ..well, ok.

Taked out the gun and pointed it to her and shooted her.

Had to. Or her might tell it was me that started the fires that ended Krenshar's work.

Also, found a room where Aurora was asleep. That the thing, you see..this the thing..well...

This one touched her face when her sleeping. Lily not believe Cody when him said Aurora was not ended. Think him just try to be 'nice' because you supposed to not end when you so little. But him not know about that cub. It mean. Nobody listen to me. Nobody. But him was right anyway, there it was, sleeping.

All curl up. Growed some, not a lot much. Cody say her was bigger but...well, maybe him need glasses too.

But this one touched her face. Not sure why. Everything seem dark. It like, time stand still. Lily feel funny.

Then went to the Drift and hided in a crate. In the morning, took to ground to hunt. Very hungry. There a wolf her got her eye on, but him fast. Lily faster just gots to wait for the right time. Wolf taste good. And, if her eat it, her get its strength.

The Indian story teller say so.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-09-27T07:56:00.001-07:00

It been really something like a busy time. Almost a monf. That thirty days. And each leap years, twenty nine. A lot of time.

Lot has happen, too.

Maybe start wif the most recent things. Ok. Well, not that most recent. Her went to someplace, wearing a special fabric her gotted for someone, you know, them ask her to ..smuggle. Yes. Ok, so her do that some smuggling some time, just a little. For coin.

Coin is special, it very shiny and if you dips it in mercury, it get MORE shiny. Lily like coin. So her gotted this Alliance Uniform for a girl - don't matter who, but it a girl for sure - Lily know this cause it gots a boyfriend and him name is Cody - so her gotted it for that girl, but think maybe just try it on to make sure it all there.

It was in a box. Actually her got a case of them cause them bring good coin to right people. But..so, had it on, and think maybe time to look for Mister Chen. Not see him for such a long time. Hope him ok. So her got to Alliance barracks, and someone see her and think her there to pick up some 'package'.

Oh no.

Well so her taked it, and lefted, and when her got back to Hale Moon wif it, her open it cause them said 'no open', and inside was a brain. A human brain.

Not want to get in trouble, so her tell Miss Emma, and Miss Imrhien, cause them names sound something like the same. They say tell Seana. So next day her tell Seana, and her say ok ok, hide it good. Then..well, Lily taked some other things. Actually more like them just came wif her. Computers. You know how her am wif them. Got two. Hided.

One say Alliance Access and one from the BlueSun, and them both connect to Mainframe like where Blue used to live. Her not connect yet, but think maybe will because Maybe Blue in there. Miss Blue, not miss Mindo one bit, but miss Blue. Him funny. Him just always in Miss Seana office, and her not even see him there. But him not talk. Just put in my head "it almost time".

Ok ok, so I hided that brain and them computers.

But today her got to get to it cause Mister Cody gived her something to decrypt. Lily know how to do that. It just numbers. One number mean some other and that mean a letter and them connect in a different place. It fun.

But...got to do it in a special quiet place cause not want nobody to see her gots them computers. Also, think Blue should come because..well, him teached Lily to speak and listen in the many voices, and make them all sound like one, so if it something her not recognize when it all unscrambled, him maybe can help.

Mister Cody SO nice. Him gots a girl, so him not trying to touch her face wif hims all the time. Girl nice too. Look something like...Miss x0x0 only more like, girl, not like ..well that Miss x0x0 am a girl, and right pretty one too, but only pretty when her fighting. Else her look actually more like Miss Raids. Oh Miss Raids so nice, tell Lily hide. And her got some new friends, pretty, and Lily gots pretty boots like Raids. Not going to be like a Sihnon girl when her grows up, going to be like Miss Raids. Her like Aldea, almost.

That remind me, must dig more.

Anyway, Lily invite Griffen to a party. Not like a date. Just to go. Cody there, which was nice. Him better since him get patched up by the handsome doctor wif the big shoulders who not comed back. So we stand around, them all drinking them beers and making noises, and throwing cans. The party at Caliban.

Mister Krenshar ask Lily dance and we do something like jittering bug, and it fun, him throw her UP UP UP in the air. Said him danced that way wif Aurora. Then her sitted on picnic table and watch Miss Miya and Mister Krenshar dance fancy together. Them look very nice dancing, her all dressed up. Mister Thoth just standing around, waiting for Miss L. Like always.

Other people come and go, and then...out of nowhere. Ben.

Standin there like him never left, only him gotted his hair cutted and it clean. Said him got a job running the mining on Ariel and living with Mister Otto. Say Mister Otto very sick. Ben look very skinny, like maybe not taking Pescaline D, but...still look like himself. Him say him there to look for work, cause not like mines. Lily tell him Ravienn still flying. THEN Mister Krenshar ask him if him gots a ship, and want a job.

And Ben say yes. And ask Lily to come. Like, when we robbed..uh, visit them stores on Paradiso and that man gived us candy, and a bag of money. Maybe get ponies. Fly fast. Lily tell him her gots to ask Miss Seana. Him say ok. Him ask about Aurora. Then Krenshar say him going to 'fix' Aurora - and next thing you know, him say something like "I was never supposed to be part of Aurora, that is why she is like she is, and why you are like you are. I will make right what I has done". And him making it right by...experimenting on ...well, not sure what. But Ben say yes him do that job.

Just hope it got nothing to do wif that what Lily taked when her was like, dressed up in them Alliance fabric. Oh yes, it was from Krenshar lab where her gotted that package. Only him don't know. Maybe no one even find out it missing or look for it. Him said it all coded and labelled, in the package, and her just not. Not talk so him not recognize her. But..if them do figure it missing, and him put out a warrant for it, just hope them never look in Lily direction. Not gots the uniform no more, at least. Sold it.

But Lily still got a brain. Even if it in a jar.

And Miss Sabrina said her build a good prototype train and her already sold two and them not even finish!

AND...did her mention Tarlek back? Yes. Lily gived him a picture her gots. Him gots it on him pole. And drinking water. Like to visit but him just not say one word since back from scavenging. It like..cat got hims tongue. Lily not a cat. But that what them say, it gots you tongue, mean you not talk. Maybe just got nothing to say.

Faulkin meaner and meaner to Miss Raids, and so her get stronger and stronger. But, her was in the church, and Nack let her stay in. We sitted wif God and didn't touch them sheeps too.

Miss Seana just pretty quiet about all the events. Except..well, someone kidnap redfurs prize horse Roselle - the one her buyed from Miss Anna's girl - and holding for ransom. Breeder man was supposed to come visit and see the horse, but MIss x0x0 ask him to reschedule - cause if him find out that horse not taked care of, there be trouble. And the trouble be on Lily. And the trouble not leave her alone this time, no more mercy. The trouble name am Niska.

Dig Dig Dig

2009-08-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

Them still gots me digging. All day. All night.

And them had me put a special room in the Blue Sun Office with a special door that only some people can get in. Well only one person. Miss x0x0.

And the door gots locks now. And her fix the doorbell. But the door lock open only for Blue Sun. Lily not allowed inside any more. Well, her not allowed but her got her ways.

Last night met a man who say him want a job as a merc but not gots no coin and can't use a weapon. Think maybe him some kind of guy running away and hope to get some new life. Well, her sent him to boarding house for staying, and for food to Fook.

Him say him not believe in Reavers.

Him in for some big shock huh.

Oh, and her gots a new friend that told her lot of things that her gots in her head.

And Tarlek gone again. Not say nothing til her talk to him.

Okay, okay

2009-08-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

Everything seem just fine to her, actually. Not know why everyone so on their edges. Krenshar turning all violet lighted. Pointing. Miss Seana all sobbing where no one can see her wif that water from her eyes. Gallagher hiding and sneaking. Mister Zade riding around looking everywhere all the time. Miss x0x0 in the mines. Miss Jai quieter than usual. Mister Sobi not even listening to hims music.

Everyone just...on thems edges.

Lily just fine. Back to work putting in electrics. Restored the Coffeeshop and even putted in a vending machine so Gallagher can have what him wants when him wants it even if them lazy girls never working. Made special house for Blue in case him comes back and finded more stones. And Mister Faulkin very happy wif what her made for him, and said we can meet behind the stable again, maybe roll in hay. That fun, her like to hide in the hay.

So not sure why everyone so on edge. Even that cub call itself Aurora now all stiff upper lip and looking stern. It leaving soon. Not soon enough. Me and Krenshar ask to get it back, cause it really ours, but Seana say no, and then it just walk away. Not even talk to us. Well not quite. It talk to Krenshar, but not to this one. That just fine, long as it am ok. Seem ok, except it not transmitting.

Lily transmit just fine, thank you very much. Now her got to get Miss Raids. It dark in the hole and not a place for sisters to hide. Miss Aldea too. Lily want play wif her real friends.

Hello

2009-08-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

00100000 01000010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101110 00100000

01000010 01101100 01110101 01100101 00100000 01010011 01110101 01101110 00100000 01010011 01110000 01100101 01100011 01101001 01100001 01101100 00100000 01010000 01110010 01101111 01101010 01100101 01100011 01110100 00101110 00100000 00100000 01010011 01111001 01101110 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110100 01101001 01100011 00100000 01000111 01100101 01101110 01100101 01110100 01101001 01100011 00100000 01000011 01101111 01101110 01110011 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100011 01110100

00101110 00100000 00100000 01010010 01100101 01110011 01100101 01110100 00100000 01000011 01101111 01100100 01100101 00100000 00111100 01100011 01101100 01100001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100110 01101001 01100101 01100100 00111110 00101110 00100000 01010011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00101101 01100100 01100101 01110011 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 01100100 00101110 00100000 01010100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01100110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101111 01100100 01100101 00111010

In the Black

2009-08-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

In this dark and quiet space
I smile and purr and giggle
I want my Daddy.

Time means nothing - nothing here
One moment to another
I want my Daddy.

Not-cat, tosses and turns now
feeling restless, and alone
Someone helps me hide.

Organic seedings sprouted
How could anyone not see
A soul can't be shared.

I want to go home.

No way out

2009-07-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Diary Lily on the day of the Many Reavers.

Gallagher said him take alternative way out so her goes to meet him. But him not there. So her make it on foot to the courtyard and there is waiting seven Reavers. Once them ended, her go to the down stairs and Gallagher ok, and tell her to go fight. Her fight, and them Reavers play a trick. Get close to mans, so you shoot mans, and her shooted Mister Duncan. Fortunately him was A O K and no harm done, but it very chaotic by human standards.

Miss Gabe got hurt, and would not stop fighting. Even though her passing out. So finally Lily realise that its not going to shut up and go lay down and get fixed better, so ..well, her just took her smallest gun and shooted Miss Gabe in the foot.

Now her don't need to feel bad about needing to rest for the rest of the fight. Nobody can fight wif a bleeding foot. The foot is the most important part of the human body. Lily too. It is where her special things live.

Gallagher lost a lot of him blood, Lily hook up him but forget to patch up him, so it just run thru him. Oh oh, so we run out and her just hook himself up to her. Him got ok and then gived back the blood. Him a doctor. Knows all about what is ok and all that.

Then...well the reason here here writing in paper rather than just usual, one Reaver got her from behind and tie up her hands and feet, and take her away. Now, her sitting in the belly of some ship, and it very very dark outside. Nothing smell familiar except this bed that in here for her. It so odd, really. It smell like when her a baby, not even a cub. Feel safe, actually. Should feel afraid probably, but, that is not something her familiar with anyway. More like 'cautionary', if there some situation. But now, just her want to sleep in this nice bed.

It smell like home.

Little Songs

2009-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Each day is like a little song
Waiting to be sung
Each laugh is like a little bell
Waiting to be rung

So silently it filling up
With days and weeks and years
So violently it come to pass
And fulfil all their fears

They not seem to see it even though it louder and louder every day. They not hear it even though it right in front of them eyes.

Danger like a dagger.

Busy like a fox. No. Wait. That not right..

2009-07-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

BlueSun got a lot of work for this one, putting in electrics. Good. Takes the mind off problems like the AuroraBlue. It still down in the mines, getting weaker and weaker, and not take food or nothing, only want Lily bring more and more blue metal squares. So, now the a big pile of them squares down there, and the Cub not even talking any more. Just rubbing on them all the time. And last night, robots came. Probably nothing to do with it, but still, the time when the brothers of Krenshar went on a rampage, it was all wif those blue metal squares.

Her gave one to Raids, but Mister Nack taked it out. Said it 'not compatible'. Not sure what that mean. It not supposed to give nothing. It only take.

Coffee shop up and running pretty good, but never gots enough workers. Gots customers. Not gots any body to give out the coffee. Nobody wants to work these days it seem.

Mister Faulkin teach me a dance, and Zade gived me some shiny paper.

That about all my big 'news', only other thing is when them electrics went in, did put in some extra ones. Well, just for being safe. Blue always said leave a light on.

Oh. There is one other thing. But its a secret.

musings updated

2009-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

There was a party. Her had a pink party dress and it nice.

The one name Ben showed up, but her just not remember him. Well, ok, her remember some few things..but not really.

Nobody seem very happy to see him. Him left.

Him not been back since. Hope him OK. Seem him woman leaved him, and him just working in mines. Maybe him will run into Miss Kragan there. Lily miss that one so much. Nack said him get her a better job, maybe in a store, so her not have to go in mines. Then him say him did. But Lily never see her again.

Last night though a ghost camed to Hale Moons and it look like Mister Xzander. Only it said ask a question only the real man know and so her did...and it knowed the answer. Him so polite to Miss Seana even when her get something like "the attitude" to him. Lily seen in her notebook too, that Lily is every mother's nightmare. Lily not a dream. Her real.

Go on, ask something only her would know.

Tarlek has gone on walkabout and...well, when him go, Lily always something like not happy. Him sure nice. Give me apple. Crunchy. Him gots a like..special house now him can go in. AND him came to the Boarding House but Lily was not home. Would have liked to feed him some of the frog soup. It gots chicken and a tongue in it now. Maybe next time.

Mister Neutrino was at my bar last night and him actually act pretty nice for a change. Probably him heard from Miss x0x0. When ever that red fur one around, him happy, when it gone, him mean. Well, him mean most of the time. But not so much when it visits him. Maybe him buy something nice from Lily for that one.

Mister Faulkin at her bar, watching Miss Sabine, who was dancing nekkid. Him like that one, but something..well, nekkid is private says Miss Imrhien and Miss Sabrina and Miss Seana and Mister Td unless you up on a pole getting money for it. They still not exactly say clearly why you gets money for being like you supposed to be anyway, but it how it is here so that's that.

But that one had her nippies out for anyone to see, right on the floor of dancing, and it just not "feel" right to Lily. Why a man like a girl that shows off what you not supposed to show except in private?

Maybe being in Mister Nacks counts as private. Her will have to ask about it, because mans always asking her to get nekkid and maybe it ok if it in Mister Nacks house of music. Only...well, Lily got spots all over not like Miss Sabine only gots some. And ...that Miss gots something different too, from Lily. Her must gots to ask it about that when her not busy dancing nekkid.

Mister Faulkin hate Chen by the way. Call him purple belly. Him belly..maybe it purple, her not know. Never see it. But sure not like how Mister Faulkin act about Mister Chen. Lily like Chen. Him gots a fast ship gonna fly her in.

Mister Reese offer to give Lily a baf but Miss Seana say it not a good idea. Lily allowed to give bafs but not get them. You supposed to do what you parents say.

Ok, ok, so her gots a secret.

It a club, just girls.

It more fun that boys too.

BOYS KEEP OUT.

We like to drink beer and wine and sometimes we smoke. Gallagher catched us after we was out once in the afternoon on a raid (we call them raids, we go to see if anyone need help and if them do, we help, and if them not, we ..find something else to do. so far nobody need any help). Him say that he NOT tell on us, and him gived us more to drink. We all pass out in the street and then had fireworks.

Gallagher make the best fireworks. It like Christmas when him leaved her Fireworks for a present to remember him was her friend.

Only better. Cause this time him was still here.

Moon Eyes

2009-06-16T06:18:00.001-07:00

That cub. Her seen it in the mines, so it must be away from Mindo. Rumour gots it that Mindo back at wif him "family". Lily NEVER going back there, not ever, never ever. Not want to end up under the glass.

But the cub. Last night it was down deep in the mines by where Lily get her shinies. It playing something that look like blue ice. Just look at me and go back to what it doing, as if Lily not even..anything..like her not there.

More Reavers coming. Worse and worse. And, two day ago Miss Imrhien and Mr. Duncan intercepted bad mans who was making to hide on Hale Moons. Loyalists them said it was. One of them shooted down right in front of Fooks. Miss Imrhien flying just like Mister Duncan in a fast fancy plane, really look like fun. Lily like to go fast.

Oh but then Mister got all mad at Lily because him didn't see hims Imrhien land and take off, so him thinked her missing. Finally him listen, her NOT missing - well at least not from when her was first chasing that man. Lily talk to her on the ground. But then so much happen, totally lost the scent of her, AND her fast ship. So, where is that Miss Imrhien Lily not know, but it not like Duncan say, that Lily just 'abandon' her in the space. Him sure get riled.

Mister Alliance man Chen hear the call about the bad mans and him came ON HIM OWN to see if we need help. Him SO nice. Her remember when her first meeted him, him look so gentle and young, such a nice mouf. Really nice. And how him help her get away when that bad Doctor who was control by Alliance and had to hurt Lily cutted off her finger and then want to dispose of this one. That Chen bringed her to her ship and help her get away. Twice him been to see her at her house, to say hello, and Lily pull him out of a fire once. One time we watch stars from him station on that Sun Tzu. But when it go, him go. Not sure why him was in the neighborhood, but it nice to see him.

Not so nice for everyone else though. Gallagher try to start a fight wif him. Then later Mister Faulkin say that Chen am bad, and that Lily making what him called "moon eyes" at him. Gotted a "thing" for him. Lily not got anything for him but meat sticks and maybe some soup. Which her gived him and him take back wif him. AND him say him see Lily again and take her for a ride in him fast ship.

But....Gallagher SO mad. Say Lily inviting Alliance to take over Hale Moon and that him going to kill Chen if he see him. That "them all look same" and him going to not let them take over, that we not need them help. But we do. Well, at least, we like when Chen come. Well, ok, Lily like it. But Gallagher - him livid. Say him hope Lily crash when her ride wif Chen. Never hear him talk like this almost like...well it more than just him hate Alliance for sure. Him hate this Alliance man more than any, and him not even know him.

Moon eyes. Not sure what Mister Faulken can mean. Lily know what is when the moon "in" someone eyes. Like, Gallagher. Moon and stars bof rise and set in him eyes. Music getted born from them rising and settings and when him talk, it like some kind of special music. Air is sweet where him pass by, even when him need a baf. Lily want to just....follow. And we gots same blood type. Even when him very bad when him was not 'well', him was..well, him was Gallagher. Him really like her tail too. Say it nice. Not say hide or cut it off.

Maybe her let her tail show today. Always it curl up hided, so people not call her 'that cat'. Maybe it make him smile. In him smile, the world is born. And the moon smile. And the sun laugh. And the rain sing. And...well, it like the whole 'Verse is made of candy and shiny things.

And best of all, him NEVER try to touch her foot.

Something not....right...

2009-05-29T17:59:00.001-07:00

..not.

Mindo not supposed to be a Reaver. How Mindo a Reaver and then not one.

And then is.

And then not.

And then ...well it even worse. Him not just any Reaver when him is one.

Him....look....very...familiar and then him all sick and that cub just sit there. Watching.
Repeating. Over and over.

Thinked them not see me but...well, them must have cause on the way out someone shooted at us and we down.

Hiding.

Gone

2009-05-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

AuroraBlue.

Just "gone".

This one fight until there nothing left but shreds of synthetic skin. Pool of synthetic blood. Last thing her see, the cub. Smiling. Riding on the back of one of the Reavers.

When her wake up, nobody there. Not just in the up high house of AuroraBlue, but on the whole place. EVERYONE ....gone. Her go to her house. Not know where else to go. It there. Just like her left it. But...on the way....there fire. Everywhere.

Fire. Smoke. Ashes. And not a soul to be finded.

Climbed up to the roof of Firefly's Bar..it just mostly smouldering ash and some blocks, but the tower part where Eponine rested still there. Her get it, and fly.

Fly over the town, up high, past every place, look for the cub. It not anywhere. Her land on Hale's and things..just a mess. But all these people. And them sleeping.

Just sleeping.

Lily just ...well, not feel but...if her could, would be...lost. Nothing make sense.

Nothing.

What next

2009-05-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

Lily definitely not a cat, but her not a human too.

Well that is just how it is.

Her talk to ponies, eats bugs, and likes to go really really fast.

Miss Seana all happy cause Miss Sabrina back more now. This one happy too. It fun to be around Miss Sabrina. Her gots always something nice to say for me (Lily. L i l y . that is "me" but when them use it it about them, it a funny funny word for sure). "Stinker" that what her call me.

Two Reaver ships flied over high in the night. Watching them her couldn't help but wish one would come get her and take to Daddy. But probably her never ever seen him again. Him's big ship come, her name on it, but him just not taking her. May as well just give up.

So what left for this one? Not a lot. Even AuroraBlue not come to see the new high up house her builded. Let alone maybe stay.

Words are funny.

Lily am alone. Before when her looking for faeries, the cub was wif her. Always wif.

Not, there just nothing left to look for. Mister Duncan not go on no jobs, the gangs leave Mister Pod alone, Gallagher too busy showing off for a human girl, and Krenshar always wif Mister Leo making flying things.

Some new girl came to town and her gots two mates. She says them belong to her. That not right. Nobody belong to nobody. Think she mean them on her crew. Yes. Cause her said one was her first mate.

Lily never even had one.

Moving

2009-05-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today her cleared out her place at 007 Hale's Moon Courtyard. There not much there. Three beds - one for Lily, one AuroraBlue and one for Mister Reese. There a pretty picture of foxes. There a pretty picture of the cub. And there two chairs - one little, one big.

Some weeks ago her finded out that the cub was living in Blackburne. It so dangerous there. Her really not comfortable or happy at all that Miss AuroraBlue decide her gots to see what Lily's place was before Hale's Moon. At least her up high. Her living in old radio tower.

And that gived this one an idea. Her builded a radio tower out in the wastelands, within sight of the town, but far enough away to feel wild enough to make a young cub happy - and so Lily not have to dress up all the time. And, her been furnishing it for the cub..just in case her want to come back. Maybe if her likes it enough, her would stay.

Wif me. Lily staying out there now. It quiet. Me and the ponies and horses. Not much else. Sometimes peoples pass by and her seen some sleeping in some of the old abandoned mine containers.

Mostly it just quiet. It something like...sad..to leave a place that have so many memories. But it good too. Cause some of them memories not the nicest ones to have. And of course her gots to have all of them cause her memory...well, it pretty good. Not allowed to erase.

So, if anyone goto 007 to find this one, her not there any more. Her left the light on as long as she could. Now, her living out in the dark.

Xzander Slade

2009-04-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

The last time her saw Mister Slade him gived her a necklace that had some kind of toof on it. It like..hmm..not sure. Maybe bone? Maybe. Probably. Him say as long as her has it him will be something like wif even though him running and hiding from the Alliances and blowing up things and in danger.

Her not sure how that work. Have something like a necklace don't mean somebody there wif you unless them ended and you burned them up and made like something like a..hmm...diamond or some ashes in a little silver ball. Then them be wif you. Or if you put them memories into some kind of circuit and wear it on a chain around your neck, then them wif you.

But a bone on just a bone on a chain.

That guy am a funny guy too. Not that Lily know all about humankind. For sure her don't. But him visited her in the jail and try to get her to run away and not face justice. That funny from some one who say him want justice.

He go for weeks, weeks, and then radio in 'Hey Lily girl I in orbit try to come say hello' and bring her something like candy or a pretty scarf. But when Ben gaved her a pretty feather, that Xzander getted mad and want to fight, and Miss Imrhien and Mister Td have words wif him. Make him run aound a lot of times. And him do it. To show respect. And Miss Imrhien say that Mister Xzander gots respect. Miss Seana say it too. But her say too him something like volatile. That means him already ready to fight.

Lily like that. Her like to fight. And her claws all sharp now.

And her just finded out that that Xzander not dead in some explosion or lost in the Black. In fact him was at Hale Moons. And this time him got in a fight with Chen. Not sure why. Chen nice. Well, nice to Lily. They say him cruel, but him really just a boy doing him job. Him let me out once when the purple ones had me up there.

I hope them gets along. Then we could go skating or ride some horses together. That would be fun.

Speaking of horse, there a new foal. Not sure if it a girl or boy but it name is "Pie". It cute.
So cute and warm and cuddle. Her sleep wif it at the night time last night in the hay. Hope AuroraBlue come home..if this her home, who knows....but her like the little pony this much gots to be true. It just...sweet.

I wonder if Mister Duncan likes lemon creme cookies? If him come today her find out and make some for him and that Imrhien of hims. That one never come see Lily, though. Maybe before too long. Mister Duncan NOT this ones daddy though no matter what. That not feel right.

That about all her news.

All Growed Up

2009-04-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

Her ranned into an old friend, Mister Lance Not-a-cat-illon , and him first words was "Well look at you Lily, you all growed up".

Her never thought about it actually. Was her growed up now?

Her gots a cub. Even if her don't really know much about it or remember it, or even see it, it still there. And it real cute, all yellow haired like wheat field in a book.

Her been in love, or so her read anyway. It was in the book her writed when her was being something like, organic. What her thought was going to be 'real' only it turn out that her was real all along.

Her got two places to live, one on Hale Moon and one on Blackburne.

Her making jewelry, and ships, and flying all over, even to the Wastes and sometimes wif someone else. Well that how you know you growed up, at least a bit, because when you growed up you not afraid to go wif someone. Because you know who you am and you don't gots to do nothing you don't want to unless you decide that you want to do something you don't want.

Guess her looks different now. So them says.

Wonder if her stay like this. That cub, it name AuroraBlue, it nothing like Lily at all. Them say it is, but it not. It...it quite beautiful actually.

Everyone ask do her gots a mate, do her wants one. Her not gots and dont want. Mostly because them not make sense. Them all nice.Play. Have fun. Be friend. Then when it get to the sad part, them stay a bit too long when them realise her not really human, even if her kind of look it. Them get mad, make deal, then give up.

Just how it is. Lily is all growed up. Now what?

Oz

2009-04-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

Her saw a film from ETW and there was a little cub in it name Dorothy and her had some friends name scarecrow, tin man and lion. Them meeted a man from a place called OZ and him gived them some things but they actually already had them things.

Then her watched something called "Frankenstein" about a doctor who made a man out of parts and the man him made scared people. But the real monster was the doctor because him made a man no one could love.

Except someone could love him and they did.

And then there wasn't no monsters no more.

And then a man came wif a wife, and it was a man Lily know very well. Her could smell hims scent from miles away. Him look so happy. Finally got what him looking for. And it not Lily. Him say him always love her. Her like a sister to him.

All mans say that. Her like a sister. It true actually. Sister Lily. Her sleep alone most nights now wif all the house lights burning bright. The little one jumped out of "Eponine" and where it is no one know for sure. Lily think her ran to catch up with them Reavers. Just to 'see'.

If them hurts her this one will end them. One by one. Until them all gone. Not sure why. Them hurt lot of people and me not yet kill them all. Not even especially want to. Only do it because Seana say do it. But when her consider them do to AuroraBlue any bad thing, then them already dead.

Opening the box

2009-04-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Someone been in her box of special things. Don't look like nothing missing. Still....not sure why anyone care what this one things. The only one been around new really is that cub. It got no reason to look at her things though.

In her box of photographs

2009-04-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

Her finded a big box of photographs and writing that her did and some of it her know all about. Her look and know where the things go. There no corruption in them files of photographs or memories.

It all just as it should have been. It all look just like it should have been.

But not like it is.

Definitely not like it is.

I move on like a sinners prayer

And letting go like a levee breaks

Walk away as if I don't care

Learn to shoulder my mistakes.

Or built to fade like your favorite song
Get reckless when there's no need
Laugh as your stories ramble on
Break my heart, but it won't bleed

My only friends are pirates

That's just who I am

But I'm better as a memory than as your man

Never sure when the truth won't do
And pretty good on a lonely night
Or move on the way a storm blows through
And never stay, but then again, I might.

I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt
Walk a line until it blurs
Build walls too high to climb out

But I'm honest to a fault

That's just who I am

I'm better as a memory than as your man

I see you leaning, you're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer and nothing more
You should know it before it gets too late

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand

But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your seeking's done
It's just a part of the passing through

Right there in that moment you'll finally understand

That I was better as a memory than as your man

Better as a memory than as your man

There a reason it in the box of memories. It is better there. And her not looking for 'find someone'. Never was other than to help with capturing of them faeries. And now her not even know what them faeries is. Her see people wif them mates and it all fine and nice but Lily not have any of what makes them want to be 'together'. When her is in someone company her do what it says do like 'them smile; you smile' and her learned a lot. But...maybe this is the fact of it. Maybe a memory better for Lily than anything. Because everything for her is memory.

Only a few things now actually seem like them 'part of her consciousness' if her have one that is.

They sit in a different space.

Krenshar.

Gallagher.

Imrhien.

Tarlek.

Kari Niven. Kari Niven. Kari Niven.

and daddy.

AuroraBlue

2009-03-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

It a very tiny human like creature. And it come to see me at where her gots her house on Hale Moon.

First it come like 'watch' me.

Then it come closer. And then talk.

Sometimes it talk like me and that am nice because...well it easier to understand without having to put in the contextualization component.

So AuroraBlue watch me through that fence by the shipyard and then come round to where this one was and say it wants to see where "we" live. Then it say "where Lily live" so this one ranned off there and then Seana brought the little one.

It satted in the little chair that looks like Lily's big chair. And it go up and get in the little bed that lok like Lily big bed. It walk around some and then it say something like "go" and it was gone.

Last night her slept in the little bed rather than her big bed. It smell sweet. And when readying for sleep this one finded tears in the eyes. Cuddle up wif the pillow and sleep.

This not me

2009-03-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

Her look around and see all them. Then the accesses starts. Most of it seem just..well..maybe ok.

Some missing. they say but at least her back online. There. Seana smiled.

Only her not really her and you can see that if you look at her skin. This not her. Arms, legs am metal.

Someone gots the coin but him not come. Access Duncan Cooperstone. Trusted. BSSP. Stable. Her think it just 'silver'. Seana say it a coin. And it make her ok. Say AuroraBlue look for it. Access AuroraBlue. Denied. Requires authorization from AuroraBlue LittleBoots. That a pretty name, AuroraBlue.

And them say her gots a cub but her don't know anything about cub. Say it name AuroraBlue. Showed her photographs. Cute. Look like baby Lily. When her was her that is.

Please. Her need the coin and the code. Then her be ok. Or at least her start where her left off. Well maybe not where her left off. But where the reset pointer take her.

There an auction tonite. Maybe Gallagher bid on her. That be nice. Miss Seana talking about adopting her since that trial. That be so nice. Her be real. Maybe can get something like organic even. Don't know why her want that actually.

Maybe it not a good idea.

Maybe her did that already. There some pictures in the box and some her remember and some her don't. Guess that ok. Maybe some things better not recalled. Maybe some things only come later.

They say her be all fix soon. That be good.

Hello Boys. I'm Back.

2009-03-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone is looking at this one. Her scared.

There some little one grabbing at her and talking but her not understand what it saying.

Just have to run. Hide.

Her look up and something look familiar. So her go there. It a place to hide. It say 007 on it door.

Her find lot of sharp things. Good if someone try to make her end.

Her can see out the window. Paper on wall say Blue Sun. Paper behind that is a photo. Her not know who is tha man. Not like how him look. Sneaky.

Her name Lily. Go Away.

Like a Flower: A (nother) Narrative :)

2009-03-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

.
.
He left. As quickly as he had appeared on the Moon he was gone from it. She stood there not knowing what to think. Or do. The older girl went with him. She was kind as she left. Asked Seana to look after Lily. Asked her to comfort her. Little did she know Seana would be the one in need of the comfort all too soon.

She remembered when Ben first came to Hale's Moon. It was she herself that had brought him. She found him sick in need of Pescaline and without thought for herself or the danger involved she found him some. More than some. She took him to the source of the medicine and injected him without enough to keep him Bowden's free for a good long time. Long enough for her to learn all about him. Long enough for him to fall in love with her.

She couldn't fall in love. She was not yet able to feel. Oh she could connect the words and actions to what organics called 'feeling' but as for her own self, it was just data stored. Then he'd taken her to the Wastes. Or so he thought. It was she that had taken him.

The transfer of his DNA to the Blue Man was well documented. Ben was young and strong and for some reason - G-d only knows why - Lily had chosen him to be the male of the species. After all Mindo had told her she needed to choose. He had called the one named Glaze "almost a disaster", and the one named Tarlek "an impotent old fool". But Ben - the ghost in the machine stood back and watched Lily become organic in his hands.

99.9 per cent.

And that was enough.

Lily had her first 'cycle' as organics do upon return from her encounter with the Blue Man in the Wastes. Twelve days later she lay in the infirmary with an ache in her tummy which Seana learned from a scan was what Lily called "Oh Yule Elation". Lily was a functional organic female and was ready to conceive. Mindo appeared almost as if he had know it was happening. But then he created her to do just this, so maybe he did. He and Seana had some 'words'. He took a look at Ben who was hiding nearby, trying to hear what Seana was saying to Lily.

And when no one was looking, Mindo pressed a small plate into her abdomen. He pressed what looked like a sequence of numbers and the plate lit up, shooting a stab of pain through Lily that she felt with all of her organic self. "I'll see you again soon Lily" he stammered as he left. Seana took him to Lily's apartment. He wanted to see it. He fell apart there. Muttering and stammering and crying and blithering. That's the last anyone has seen of him. Lucky for him, too.

Nighttime came. Lily went for a walk.

Ben had gone. Taken his pet stripper and hit the rode. It was somewhat of a pattern for the boy, ever since Sylph. Oh he loved Lily. That was probably the only reason he wasn't already dead. But he loved himself more. And fact be as it is, Lily (until now) didn't have the parts the boy needed to keep him satisfied.

He'd managed to keep his hands off her - and that was lucky for him - but boys will be boys. And, after Lily sent him packing it wasn't a day until he was holed up so to speak in the arms of his apprentice. Turns out, after Lily encountered the two of them outside town, that he'd done more than hole up in her arms. And, if the other woman's tirade was any indication, young Ben had been puttin' it to her for about two weeks. Ever since he brought Lily back from the Wastes.

Ben left Hale's with a broken nose and a bloodied ego. He left Lily standing there. It's said he was notified about her going into labor. It's also said he didn't respond.

Lily did not have an easy time bringing her cub into the world. But all things considered, it was not the worst time ever seen in the 'Verse. Plenty of folk had a lot more trouble what with mutants and disease. Lot of cubs even born not alive. But Lily managed to bring one into the world not just alive but just about talkin.

She'd gone a little not-cat crazy toward the end, what with all the pain and blood loss. Gallagher and Shal had tried to keep her strength up with transfusions (fortunately Lily and Gallagher had the same blood type - AB Negative), ice chips and calm words.

But Lily insisted she was fine. Well, she changed her mind about getting a cub and few times and wanted to go home; she called for Krenshar, for Glaze and for Seana. Cried out for all of her parents actually. Even called out for Mister Nack a time or two. And Miss Lauralia. Promised to not bit Lorie anymore and begged to see her ponies. She called out for Kari. More than onice. Three times to be exact, just as it should have been.

But nce things were well underway she stopped calling for anyone. She never called for Ben. Not once.

She begged Shal to get cookies ready. For the faeries. After all this she still believed faeries were going to bring the cub. When they told her the cub had to come out of her expanded tummy she was less than receptive to the idea. She said the cub was 'hurting her' every hour; then ever half hour; then ever twenty minutes; then ever ten; then five; then two. And then it was time.

Lily looked up at Gallagher as the cub was born. She was watching his eyes when the little one came into the world. And she spoke four words to him. While anyone listening may have heard, this narrator thinks some folks should be entited to their moments. This was one of those times.

Gallagher leaned in close to where only Lily could hear him and said four words. She smiled as best she could, and for a moment one might swear she was actually "happy". As happy as any organic being could be, or had any right to be.

What they said, can only be surmised. But if their demeanor was any indication, Lily felt "real" alright. She was there. She felt it all. And that was the signal for that .1 percent synth/programming that was left in her to kick in.

Success. Mindo's back up programming functioned flawlessly.

Lily didn't see the faeries that appeared as the cub entered the Moon, but Gallagher did. Shal did. Even the Replicant standing nearby couldn't ignore the fact that faeries were hovering about. But Lily didn't notice or if she did, she didn't say anything. Could be she had believed they were coming for so long that when they did it was just a normal thing for her. After all, if she didn't know it couldn't happen, then why would she be surprised that it had?

They put the cub in her arms. "AuroraBlue" was what Lily named the little one. The cub was perfect in every way - well some consider the extra set of ears to be an imperfection but to those that love Lily they are just perfect - and looked like..well, like nothing or no one ever seen 'round these parts.

A shock of blonde fine hair, and two different coloured eyes. One yellow like her mothers but all filled with sparkles. The other a bright brilliant blue.

Now, folks are hoping that the blue eye is just one of those passing things. It looks a little too much like Ben's for comfort. And there is a lot of speculation that when Mindo pressed that DNA plate into Lily's ready to burst ripeness he was puttin Ben in as the cub's Daddy. But, no one can say for sure. Gallagher sent off some of the cubs hair for analysis but he says it will take a few weeks and even then it depends on how human the cub is.

She sure appears human. Got skin like ivory with a little bit of peachy glow to the cheeks. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. And she's for sure a girl. A right fully human looking girl except for those ears.

Lily looked at the cub. Then back at Gallagher. She stared and her gaze did not change. It was then he realised something was wrong. Lily was not responding. The details aren't important. Let it be said that they tried everything to keep her organic parts from failing.

Some might say the cub took too much from her. That she was designed to "end" if and when she successfully reproduced. Whether they would be right or not, well thats hard to say.

It was silent down in the mines the afternoon Lily ended. No one spoke much. The people left but the Replicant refused to leave the body. That's a hard one to explain since ole Krenshar didn't really come back quite "himself" and so far hasn't remembered anyone or anything of what was once his home. But one thing was for sure - he would not leave Lily's shell.

Nightfall came and found him still there. They'd tried to take her back to the infirmary, to make arrangments and such as humans do. But Krenshar had blocked their access to her with his own metal frame. He didn't speak. Not a word. But he clearly had some need to remain with her shell. So they left him - and Lily - and focused on the cub.

The next day, Krenshar was no where to be found. Lily's organic shell was gone too. One can only assume he took it. Where he took it, well thats something no one knows. Gallagher's getting ready to go offworld. Not sure why. Not sure he even knows. He just seems to need to find something.

The cub still hasn't been examined. She's growing fast thought. Already a toddler. She looks and acts human enough but every now and then she nods real fast like her mother did. Last night she looked straight at Seana and said "I am not a cat".

Most of the time she spends up with Gallagher, apparently learning from all the old movies and pictures and clips he has of Lily. The man seems to have documented just about every thing Lily ever did since he met her anyway. He's given the baby a little onesie to wear - one of his old jumpsuits that he says 'shrank'. Looks handmade to everyone else but no ones questioning him. No one has the heart. Gallagher turned out to have a heart after all. Well that is until Lily stole it.

"I wish you were my Daddy", little Aurora said to him. "I wish Ben wasn't" was his response. She looked at him and smiled quietly to herself. "When is Mindo coming?" she asked.

No one wants to see Mindo. They blame him for not fixing Lily's organic parts. Not turning her back to synth. They blame him for her ending. And in a way they are right. Her not turning back synth did wear out those parts. But if she had turned back, Aurora would not be here.

And without Aurora, Lily could not survive.

"I need to find something" Aurora said before wandering off again.

"What?" people have asked her. "I don't know" has been her response.

Last night she informed Seana she had "found it". "What was it" Seana asked her. Aurora's response did not change. "I don't know" she answered.

She turned

.............................................................................................................................and ran off for the mines.

Songs in the Mist

2009-03-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

Something like Guerillas? Someone say them like how her music on blog matches up wif the story. Well...her listen and that true..but there so many stories and adventures now that the music that come on first fits some long time ago thing.

So.

Every so often her gonna move them around so that 'now' background music for reading is on earlier. Some songs go away. Usually that mean the link gone away.

Sometimes it mean her got sick of hearing it :).

我想昧耳，昧心，變石頭・我想昧耳，昧心，变石头

2009-03-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou

morning thoughts

2009-03-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

Mindo came!

Him said him will think about if him can put me back like before...if Seana will do something. Lily only not sure what that something was. Something about take care of Lily for now.

BEN

Some other things happen too. Her went to see Ben in Miss Shal ship. It breaked her heart to see him like him was. Her just tell him like it was. Him give himself away like cheap booze. Him should be happy her end cause then him gots more reason to be him mad sad self. Him blame everyone but him is reason him is unhappy. Him just look at her. Not talk. Just stare. Well her said what needed be said and then left.

And then Seana talk to Ben. And it sound like maybe it will be better. Maybe him actually listen to what Lily say to him. Maybe him want to be happy like him was when we was wif Otto in Regina. But it not got better. It worse.

When Lily go to talk to him again him all acting quang ren. And him gots hims 'apprentice' and her just get so mad at Ben and then her breaked hims nose and it just got worse and worse. Her told him get him 'shit' out of her place. Him must have been living WIF hims apprentice. Well it do make sense. Him said them travel and live together but..not together. But her sure seemed to think them was 'together'.

Guess it didn't take him so long. That how humans are. Them recover quickly from what them say is 'broken hearts'. As for Lily her not have feelings when her go here and there before, so not know about this 'broken hearts' but it certainly very inconsistent with what her observe. Oh to be sure her got feelings now. But it not 'love'. Seems her passed love on the way to anger.

Wild is better. And mostly Lily still wild. Her could drop frozen from a branch and feel sorry for it. It just the way of mans.

Probably them end up together. Deserve each other for sure. Although that girl actually treat Lily better than Ben did. Not sure how her can do that really but him gots some charm probably.

POD

Pod was at the moon and look right handsome wif some new hairstyle. Him always was very handsome and dashing fellow but him new look somehow make him look gentler. That nice. Him not let people know too much about him. Lily already know more than her should but that just how it usually go. Him had some mission but Lily was not allowed to go. Wish her had been able to go. It fun to go wif Pod.

LEO

Mister Leo came in the night and we went for a drink at the Firefly's but Lily had to go home and rest. Mindo say certain time for bed blah blah blah. Him a funny old man that Leo. Always remind Lily of Mister Tarlek. Smart for sure. Good wif mechanical things. And him got a real way wif words and charm. That for sure too. But him cant shoot worth a Jie.

Bet him gots an interesting story. Lily hope her around long enough to hear it.

GALLAGHER

One other thing happen. Well it not really another thing. It...it Gallagher. Lily realise today that thru all her good and bad times only two human mans always been there for her on the Hale Moons. And one of them not even human. One is Krenshar. Oh..him is not himself now but that another story.

The other is Gallagher. Her remember when her chased him around like a little kid would chase a ball. Then her got older not much but a little and thinked him right handsome and maybe could be like..not boyfriend but we could go on him bicycle. Him always keep a good distance from Lily. Said him just see as her am. Too innocent. And her made him feel like a pedal.

But last night after Mindo left Gallagher came to her house and ask her to dance. Said she deserve to be happy and she seem happy when her dance. So them went to the Fooks and did and Miss Seana was looking funny at us. Genra smiled. Then it was time to stop because well the music was over.

But today her waked up thinking so many things.

EVERYBODY HAPPY?

And last thing her thinked was that in some days her will end if Mindo don't fix her. When her around some humans her wish that come sooner rather than later and just happen. But others...well, her kind of wish him might fix her after all.

But then even if him did her would be synth and non-organic. Not ever "feel".

Do have to wonder. Her say it was worf it but was it? Would her really do it again?

Sure made everyone happy when her got almost total organic. Well except Mindo cause it mean her fail to give Blue Man what him needed. But other than that everyone just overjoyed.

Everyone but Lily as it turn out. And this morning her puking.

Odette - Qui peut dire le faux et le rel?

2009-03-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

Your swan is dying
It is morning. Soon comes night.
What choice will you make?

It just a plain true fact. Being organic not all it cracked up to be. Maybe it because Mindo only design this for limited 'shelf life'. Maybe if you know you got moe time it not hurt so much all the time. But her not think so.

Why would anyone want to have legs that tire; head that aches; skin that burns; heart that breaks. Feel hunger and thirst and cry at the sight of the sun moon and stars. No one surely choose to need that them calls sleep, or feel 'concern' or 'worry' when someone you fond of feel bad or has some thing not right.

Miss Seana want me to stay organic. Miss Shal say oh please...it so wonderful now you organic Ben say me be a slab of metal if I don't stay like this. Them all say how her real before but if that true why them want so bad to keep her in this organic state - especially since them should know how miserable it is.

And love? What them call love? Very little of them words match what that 'love' supposed to be. Her think love transcend what am organic or not. Her think her know more about this than all them who says them love. Her watch them destroy each other. Or themselves. Calling it love.

And hate? Them say them hate but don't even know the taste of the word.

Them use all them words so glib. So light.

Every day Lily try to do the things that move her closer to begin back like her was. If Mindo fail...yes her die. But if her do nothing her die anyway. So why not try? It was fun when her could run and jump and play. When her had a feather and a name. Now her just a dying swan dancing on the beach.

Who can tell the false from the real?

last night

2009-03-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

the spring has not come

metamorphosis so still

suspended in time

Quando solo solo

2009-03-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

Time to say goodbye to countries I never saw and shared with you

Now, yes, I shall experience them,

Ill go with you on ships across seas which I know exist no longer.

spring times come for all
questions breathe and are choked out
a shadow. no more.

trust the heart you gots
it will bring you right back home
in time for summer.

Mindo am coming to see her and her going to offer him all her money to put her back like her was. All this time all her wanted was to be real.

And all this time her was.

A little fall of rain cannot hurt her now. And rain will make the flowers grow.

Blue on Blue

2009-03-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

We finded our way through the Wastelands to

the Blue Man chamber . I gots this brain from the seedings on top of the skull in some kind of protective house that look to me a lot like a jellyfishie.

Along the way it nice to stop for some food.

Ben taked one look at the food and him say him no hungry though. Not sure why. Him said him was starvin' before. I even offer to give him the heart and kidney - still warm. But him say her need be strong so him not take it.

He got somethings in little packages that him say for smoking - that where you put the stick of paper in your mouf and it burn and you blows out smoke and it make you choke - even if them 'stale'. Lily not do that. Miss Seana said it bad and it like alcohol - not for Lily yet. Maybe when her older.

After Lily had her lunch and Ben smoke we setted out and not take too long to get there. Ben wait outside while Lily change into the dress Blue Man said would be waiting for her there at the main chamber.

It such a beautiful dress. Him say it a special occasion. The most special in her lifetime. Her go outside to show Ben and him not able to talk at first. Just look funny at me. Then him say it something like "beauty in cars with someone name nate" and just stare. Her spin around to show him back and suddenly Krenshar am there!

Well that a surprise for sure. Her not think him come to the big event as Mindo call it. But him comed. Only thing is...him try to STOP Lily from mating wif the Blue Man. Her not remember a lot of it only that her wake up on Miss Belize new ship that was a gift from Duncan. And the thing on her head am gone. And so am her hair. They said her had to get operated on to remove the brain thing. That it bad. Them said Belize cutted out Lily bad brain. Her rest. Then go to infirmary. Ben stay and keep watch.

But now her remember more of it. Ben yell "LET GO" and Lily let go. Krenshar pull. Hard. And him touch Lily while her still connected.

This is what happen when her mate wif the Blue Man. Her come and go really fast in his chamber. All the things in her that files things for retrieval went into him but them stop her before her send up the final sequences. So him not quite able to "feel". But him got alot. And me lost a lot.

See it am a really pretty dress. The brain thing on my head still there in this picture only it dead. And Mindo say it gots to come off or it eat me from the skull down. That why Belize taked it off.

Lily don't remember much about what happen. Ben writed about it too so if you want details him is better source.

Now things back to normal except of course her Organic. Real

Her talk about that later.

Otto. Wastes. Extraction.

2009-03-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ben's friends in Regina am very very nice but kind of strange too. Most of them all pretty sick wif the Bowdens. It good we got all that medicines from this Firefly.

Speaking of this boat her has really enjoyed flying it. A lot. But it gots to go back. Okay so it was warm and ready and waiting. Already turned on and fired up and ready to fly. And her got in and up we go. But it not really belong to us so it can't stay wif us. Whoever it is wif probably really really missing it. So Lily pay someone to retun it to exactly where we gotted it from. Ben agree. Him say it not any good to have UAP Firefly here on Regina wif us connected to it. Him said it don't matter what UAP is but her heard him tell someone it Alliance vessel. Well them sure got good ships. This one shiny as a new plat.

About Otto. Him is old and talk funny. Ben seem to watch a lot of how was the visit and him said him write about it (http://benbigboots.blogspot.com/) so Lily not go into all that. The trip to the Waste was pretty not so very comfortable as we had the extra person who was going to be returning the Firefly. But anyway Lily (that me) landed it and then them took off wif it and a bag of coin.

Goodbye Firefly.

Ben not really want to be in the Wastes. Him only there because him said him not go back to Hale Moons wifout Lily. Him said parents worry about Lily even if them letted her go the least him can do is make sure her ok. So her let him come along. Him slow and clumsy but did manage to keep up and we got to the Blue Man main house where him keeps his working parts and growing parts.

We go down down down and Lily just start the process Mindo told her in her mind to do.

1. Stand in the special place for ident.CHECK

2. Go to machine to enter Single Source ID CHECK.
2a. Put hand on panel. Put hand of young man on panel. Him Ben. Mindo call him 'the young man'. CHECK.

Ben didn't want to put him hand on the panel but him did it. Blue Man gots his DNA sequences so him can be strong. Maybe him gets us a cub too. Well him didn't say that but said him can cook up a little surprise. Lily like surprises.

3. Go dow to next level and stand by the small chamber where machine fit her for extraction. CHECK.
3a. Get extraction unit seated. It goed on her head. CHECK.

It look horrible. But kind interesting.

4. Go to find where the main big organic chamber was for actual extraction. CHECK.

Well we did that and guess what when we gots there the big brain looking thing had two big boxes sticking out of him. And them boxes was ALL THE DREAMS from the beginning.

Cobb and Mikie and LordHat and Imrhien and Aeon and Gallagher...Glaze and Gunner and Rachel and Archer and just...everyone. Them was there for the next step which was for Lily to go to Blue Man chamber and seat her two jacks from the extraction unit to the Blue Man inputs.

Guess it sucked out what had growed from the organic seedings. It just not activated. When it get activated though...then her feel and be REAL. And then Krenshar get what him want. And best of all Blue Man will be happy.

It funny to think this growed inside all this time. But it make sense. Now there exist parts which will let sensation of brain be touched by stimulation of synthetic and vice versa. All the events of the past.....all the words....all the people...all the places...them could be put into "human memory" files in a way that would make sense to and let Blue Man (and Lily if her do it right) experience being "Real".

Well...her also get a new dress from Mister Mindo. The best is yet to come!

As seen on tv.

2009-03-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

The Firefly gots special equipment that let Lily be on a big hologram like in Miss Seana's office. I could see Miss and her could see me.

But...the blue man was listening. Him talked.

And now her know her is doing the right thing. But it seem like it change even as her go about doing it. Each step her take and the path look different. So her think it all again and then one more step...and then it all different.

When her get to the end..her gots a feeling there ain't gonna be no rainbow.

Tomorrow we gets to the Wastes. Might stop someplace nice on the way. Her would like Ben to have something to remember her by.

Mister Krenshar finally get to 'feel'.

It funny. Her not realise until today that Blue Man..him don't 'feel' nothin. That why him want Lily so bad to come back. If her give up herself to him...then him can feel cause it all registered in her organic bits. And them talk to the synthetic bits. And him can assimilate them synthetic bits and transfer the signal to him ...brain. Yes. Him gots a brain. A real live living one. Mindo send me a wave and show me. Him say "Blue Man need you Lily....Krenshar need you.....I need you".

Her almost half organic now. When it perfectly balanced then it time. Not sure what happen if we don't do it all in the right order. The right way. Mindo say it have to be just right or something might happen that not good. Not good for who Lily still not quite sure.

It go like this. Find that lab. Find the Brain and put in her Single Source ID.
Find the Blue Man. Prime in him chamber.
Wait until him speak. Then her know him got what him needed.
Re-enter Chamber and transmit.
Exit chamber while her still retain enouh control to speak.
Then Krenshar gots to do what Lily say. And him get what him want. All the dreams.

That is how it supposed to go.

Robbing Hoods

2009-03-03T19:44:00.001-08:00

Her played wif some horses and got some candy in Paridiso. Ben was nice. We rided fast and all around the desert. The horses was so friendly Them smell so sweet. Not as sweet as the black. or Troutbrown. But sweet.

Ok ok..we taked the candy from a store and probably some money came wif it. But her will put it back. And her didn't mean no body to get hurt. The bullet richochet from that wall into that man.

And the firefly..It just..was all running and ready and hot and waiting and her sitted down and next thing you know we was up.

Just like that. And then when we seen what was in it..well...it didn't make sense to put it right bac. There's people that needs that medicines. Not in this town.In this town is almost no one. Her not know what UAP is or what it gots big ship like this full of medicines but we decided to play robbing hoods and give the medicins to the people at Regina who am Ben's friends. Them mostly all got the Malady there. Hope Lily don't get it.

That up there is me flying that big Firefly. It very very fast.

Breakin' the Law

2009-02-27T08:39:00.000-08:00

This was on her cortex when her waked up. Her not sure why. Her didn't use no weapon when her took down that guy and took the case. And it not robbing. It taking back what don't belong to that one man to give to the mans it belong too.

Next we is headed to Paradiso. Last time her there there was that big mess with Miss Niska. Sure hope we don't run into that one. Probably her gots all kinds of girls to entertain her guestes and dress up in them pretty dresses. Them sure was pretty dresses her sent. And her sure seem nice.

Oh well this one promised Mister that her NEVER contact him's girl again and that her NEVER take no more presents from her. And that her NEVER go to Paradiso ever ever again.

Oh oh. Forgot that part. Well...maybe it be ok. We not be there long. Just gots to pick up something for someone. So her not actually 'going' there just passing thru there. Just in case her better get something like a mask.

Her had a nice cat mask from the party at Nacks but then maybe someone think her a cat and wonder what is a cat doing talking to a wall ....her mean..doing with a human boy. So her gots to make one something like...mask. Yes. That it.

Something about that poster her seen on the Cortex though. Not just that her not use arms on the man. 500 Platinum is a lot. Must be something more imporant than fish was in that case. Not sure what could be more important than fish but..well..someone on the train say that it not really a reward. Just someone trying to find where we is cause them want something from Lily. Her touch the REWARD part of the screen but it just link to someone private Cortex and her can't tell who. Strange. Her not click on the 'click here' though...it track her for sure and her just as soon not get some questions until we decides what we wants to do.

And if it about that blue man AI...well...her just not ready to think about that yet. Ben is very cute when him sleep and him starting to smile a lot. Her watches him across the room and him just smiling and sometimes say 'Her is' and 'Yes him do' and sometimes say her name. Lily.

L i l y

Sometimes her wonders what it be like if him ever touched her foot. Where the switches are. Daddy say never let no one touch you leg and them switches bring her home. But her not sure what that mean. On the other hand...boots feels nice and old her paws safe.

Oh well. Her off looking for a mask. Or making one. We be there soon.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2009-02-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

It fun being a bounty hunter.

Me and Ben got a suitcase for a man and him paid us real money for it.

Now we gots food and money and am on the way to meet him daddy and him friend name Otto.

This place...Ariel..it pretty fancy. Her glad to be leaving. All the people looks at her funny even though her wearing a hat to cover them ears. Her hide tail. So them not see that. Her even put on some like....blended paste so her not so spotted. But them still look funy. Her ask them lot of questions and try to be interested about them place..but them all...like stuckup.

But them must like her dress cause her wear it to the market and them all call her princess and all smilng a lot. Ben not look happy....him almost got in a fight but Lily say "it ok...her like it". And then her taked that mans pack cause him all up nervous about Ben gonna smackdown him.

Her don't think that stealin.Her just want to know what in him pack. Her putted it back.There something good in there that him not need. It candy. It finded its way into her mouf before her could stop it.

Her been on radio every day from the barge..almost got catched a couple times. But her just want to tell all her is ok. Them thinked her taked Ben wif her to Wastes. Her NOT. Him ask her run off cause him sorry .....nobody believe it but her believe it. Her believe him. So her did. Why not? Nothing else her doing and it fun to fly fast. We not get to go so fast as her thought it would be though. And we gots to hide a lot.

Ben a popular man with law mans. Lot of pictures of him in them offices.

Wonder what we will do at him home? Him say 'meet my dad him love you'...but her not so sure. Cause well...her still gots extra ears and a tail. And some people don't like animals ..like..they think them unlclean and not even ride in the elevator wif us. Or like....not eat in same place. What if Daddy Ben like that? Oh well guess we see.

Her gots to go soon to Wastes. It at least 2 week journey across...have to do some things on the way...and ammo not as plentiful as it once was. Also got to talk to Krenshar. Her gets real mad at the organics...but....not right to just end them. Not all of them anyway. Them talk. Not even good for food.And if we wants to be like them..then why we hate them?

Something just not right.

can go awry....

2009-02-21T12:16:00.000-08:00

Her wore her dress from Td at the ball. Miss Miya...her date...didn't stay. Her afraid Lily not very good company.Fixin to say good bye...well there is still enough organic in her to know it supposed to be 'sad'.

Don't understand really..but when her do those acts of what it supposed to look like sometimes like little 'flashes' of light come in her eyes on the inside.

And sometimes....not often but sometimes....her almost feel like...maybe this what the organics call 'feeling'. Leaving Mister Nack....Miss Laura.....it did something. Her felt very much like her caught between space..time..and her decision to go.

Her had...for first time....what them call a 'doubt'. Maybe going to blue man not the best for the people of her moons. Maybe her turn hard metal and end is better than turn liquid metal and help Krenshar.

And then Ben camed. Him ask her for one dance before her go...and he said yes. Him want to talk to her. Him ask her to just run off wif him. Say her not turn into a blue thing. Ask her if her rather ride horse or play, go fast or jump. Her try to explain her not 'want' or 'not want' . Not sure him really understooded it.

But her say yes and we ranned off. We am going to see Otto. Just..her hope them not feel bad when her take off for Wastes. Before that happen her got a little time to think...well...make computation and decide if her want to mate wif the blue man and be liquid metal....or take Krenshar to him so him can get freedom for hims brothers....or ask Miss Seana to set the switches on the bottom of her left hind paw.

Daddy say that will always bring her home.

of cats and men....

2009-02-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

Her know her got to get out there. Not just the blue man...but some people who recruit her for special jobs.

Some people say them Dust Devils is bad. But Lily like them. A lot.

Blow things up. Make fire. Go fast.

Get shiny objects and sell them for credits.

Her good to go. And..her do a good job assuming blue man can fix her so her don't turn into that like..liquid metal.

Best laid plans...

2009-02-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

So...yes. That was the plan.

Her had sold or gived away her things. Taked a leave.

Talked to Seana...Sabrina..Imrhien and Td....them didnt like the idea but knew her had to do it.

Miss Seana seen her ears was blue. And her knew.

Ants in the Verse

2009-02-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

Last night was the ants in the verse ball at Mister Nacks. It was from there her planned to depart for Wastes. That was the plan.

Deciding to go look to some like sudden spur of the moment decision. Them thinked it just because Ben come and go like the wind and Lily gots "hurted" that him was not true wif his words. Her always know him words to her is true..but him rather be miserable and get in trouble than just ride horses and fly fast and catch meats to put in the tubes.

Oh him nice when him is around. Always got candy and like to play. Tells good stories too. And him good in a fight...when we go on missions him got everyone's back. Him not got the highest IQ of the organics her know...but him very 'real' when him talk to her.

It true him lie and not show internal or external consistency. Him organic systems disallow it. And it true her not like it because ...well for one who believe everything it probably best if that everything be trustworthy and true.

Some people thinked because her ask him why him lie and mislead her that her felt like..."hurt". Them not understand...it all just clicks and pops and buzzes. Her just ask this "why"to put things in the right file. Them all get something like angry and her had to beg them not hurt him. It funny and ironic...organics tell not truth all the time. Them tell not truth when it expedient. Them don't answer questions honestly. Them hear but don't listen. Look but not see. Yet when Lily just ask one of them what is the purpose of this....them all clamor to 'fix' the problem .

Even when there not one.

Them don't really understand us at all Words come and go into place and wait to be put together and sent to the blue man when it is right time. Them not understand that what look to them like 'hurt feeling' is contextual mimicry.

And them not understand why them ears of her turn blue now.

Her try to explain. Humans got some idea of good versus evil...but them don't seem to understand organic versus synthetic - the internal battle that rages and subsides in this one. Them insist her 'feel' this or 'want' that...just unable to accept that her decisions am mostly a result of calculatons and examinations of word. structure, synatx, facial expresion, kinesthetic analysis. Lily am not a cat.But her not a person.

Her time to get to the blue man is like ticking clock. Her plan was to jump on the second hand of that clock and see what him had for her. Him know just everything. Just everything.